Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed After 5 Years – My PERSONAL Story!

Looking for reasons why your boyfriend hasn’t proposed after 5 years?

Oh boy – I can certainly relate to how you are feeling.

Took my boyfriend 10 whole years to walk down the aisle with me. (Now gasp with me, girls)

Just like how you are feeling, I felt impatient, hurt, angry and frankly annoyed that he was taking so long.

Not to mention the pressure from everyone for us to settle down already!

But what were his reasons? What helped me navigate that tricky situation in our relationship?

Well, I am here to dish out all the goods on this very highly searched topic.

So, follow me along for the ride as I have first-hand experience on this issue.

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

Table Of Contents

Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed After 5 Years – 14 Reasons Why
1. You Started Young
2. He Is Saving For A Ring
3. He Is Scared Of Marriage
4. He Is Worried About The Finances
5. He Thinks Marriage Is A Piece Of Paper
6. He Is Unsure About The Future
7. He Is Worried Marriage Will Change The Both Of You (Or Maybe Just You)
8. You Already Give Him The Wife Experience
9. He Doesn’t Think You Are The One
10. He Feels Overwhelmed By Your Expectations
11. He Doesn’t Know How Much You Want It
12. He Thinks The Relationship Has Problems That Need To Be Fixed First
13. His Family And Friends Don’t Approve Of You
14. He Doesn’t Think Much Of It
Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed After 5 Years – 7 Helpful Tips
1. Be Honest (With Yourself)
2. Understand His Why
3. Understand Your Role In The Relationship
4. Don’t Issue An Ultimatum
5. Use This Time For Your Self-Development
6. Get A Counsellor
7. Leave
Conclusion
Frequently Asked Questions On Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed In 5 Years
How Long Is Too Long For Him To Not Propose?
Should I Leave If He Won't Marry Me?
Can A Relationship Survive A Failed Proposal?
How Do You Know He Will Never Marry You?
How Do Men Act Before They Propose?

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Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed After 5 Years – 14 Reasons Why

1. You Started Young

So, my partner and I started dating at 20, and for us, marrying at 25 felt like it was too young.

Our careers were slowly growing and we wanted to develop ourselves independently before we took the ultimate plunge.

2. He Is Saving For A Ring

Boy, in this economy – everything is so expensive. So maybe he wants more time to buy the perfect diamond ring for you.

Did you know the average ring can cost up to $15,000?

There is so much expectation on men to buy a ring that is worth 6 months his current salary and that is a LOT of money.

I know, I know, you are saying it doesn’t matter how much the ring is worth but let’s be honest, girl, you will care especially when you compare it to your friend’s.

3. He Is Scared Of Marriage

My boyfriend, now husband was exactly this. He knew what marriage entailed.

A whole other life (me!) he had to worry about for the rest of his life.

And because he loved me, he wanted to do it right. So walking to the altar may not be something he is ready for at this stage of his life where things feel so up in the air.

Other Reasons Why He Might Be Fearful:

– His loss of freedom (especially with the boys)
– Fearful of past experiences with an ex
– Fear not being good enough
– Fear of unhappiness
– Fear of rejection
– He is not emotionally mature for marriage

4. He Is Worried About The Finances

Again, I know you are just like me and you think it’s okay for us to live in a minimalistic way in a tiny cabin somewhere.

But that is not going to be fun when you have to face reality where you will have bills to pay and diapers to purchase.

I was earning 3 times more than my partner.

This was a sore point in our relationship because he felt he couldn’t take care of me (which is why it took only 10 years to marry me!).

5. He Thinks Marriage Is A Piece Of Paper

He doesn’t see why marriage is necessary in your relationship. To him, everything seems fine and dandy the way things are.

Why does the government/ church need to be a part of it?

Does that sentence sound familiar? If so, it might be hard to change his mind if his thoughts are so ingrained.

Interestingly, marriage rates are higher than ever according to a new study, and divorce rates are low.

6. He Is Unsure About The Future

Boyfriend hasn’t proposed after 5 years?

He doesn’t know what his long-term plan is. He might want to find a better paying job, move away to a foreign country perhaps?

For now, things are up in the air.

7. He Is Worried Marriage Will Change The Both Of You (Or Maybe Just You)

Whether we like it or not, marriage changes people. Why? Because you will be caught up in never-ending chores and children (which are a HUGE responsibility).

He wants things to be the way it is where things feel free and easy.

Men like women who are constantly happy and not always emotional – which will happen when you have kids especially young ones.

8. You Already Give Him The Wife Experience

If you are already putting out and living together, what is marriage for in his eyes? He might think that a wedding is just more money to waste.

After all, he is happy to enjoy all the wife benefits you are giving him.

9. He Doesn’t Think You Are The One

If he doesn’t talk about marriage 5 years in, chances are, you are the girlfriend for now. Which means he is just keeping it going until he finds his real wife.

10. He Feels Overwhelmed By Your Expectations

Women need to feel safe and secure in a romantic relationship and that is fine to ask for marriage. But men know it doesn’t stop there.

Before you know it, you will want kids (which will change the dynamic of the relationship).

Not to mention how he has to propose to you. Everyone from your sister to your mom has a strong opinion on how and when he should do it.

And let me tell you a not-so-secret secret – MEN HATE PRESSURE!

So ironically, the more you talk about the future and what you want from him, the more he retreats.

11. He Doesn’t Know How Much You Want It

How to get your boyfriend to marry you?

Well, have you verbally expressed to him that you want to settle down with him? Or are you expecting him to know?

If it is the latter then sorry but he is not going to get it.

Men are not as intuitive as women.

So if you have not made it a requirement in your relationship, how will he be able to fulfill your desires in this romantic relationship?

12. He Thinks The Relationship Has Problems That Need To Be Fixed First

You might have some underlying problems in your current relationship that he thinks need to be fixed pronto.

So until those issues are solved, he doesn’t see why you should jump into a lifelong commitment.

13. His Family And Friends Don’t Approve Of You

This is similar to him not thinking you are the one. Perhaps the ones closest to him haven’t given their stamp of approval.

This makes him question the relationship a lot.

14. He Doesn’t Think Much Of It

5 years, 10 years, or even 6 months!

Some men don’t think much of how long they have dated to propose. For them, it will come when it comes.

But let’s face it – that answer doesn’t bode well with any female.

We have a biological clock ticking and we can’t wait all day for someone that may or may not propose.

Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed After 5 Years – 7 Helpful Tips

1. Be Honest (With Yourself)

Ask yourself the following questions.

– Why is marriage very important to you? How is it different from a long-term relationship?
– Is marriage only important because of societal pressures?
– Is he a good boyfriend in all other aspects?
– Can I accept him for who he is if he chooses never to be married?

Some women are okay with long-term partnerships while some require that piece of jewelry to symbolize everlasting commitment.

The good news is you get to decide what YOU want before anything.

2. Understand His Why

Do you even know what is on his mind? If not, I would suggest for you to engage with him on why he is feeling this way.

Share with him why marriage is important to you and what future you envision together with him.

He might need the nudge or it might just scare him (which could also be a sign for you to move on from this – more on this later in the 10^th tip)

3. Understand Your Role In The Relationship

How to get him to propose when you live together? Great and it’s a pretty common question, now understand this.

There are 4 stages in every relationship, as follows:

– Casual dating
– Long term dating
– Engaged
– Married

If you choose to give him everything at the start of the relationship, what is in it for him to move you to the 4^th stage?

Women often think that if they please their men by giving them everything, they will in return receive more commitment from a man.

Not true.

Men like the thrill of the chase.

I chose to introduce my boyfriend to my parents only after deciding he was a long-term partner (this was about 6 months in).

I also chose not to engage in sex until we were married because I treasured it and wanted to only do it with my spouse.

That was a personal stance I took (don’t come at me in the comments about how conservative I am).

But that was how I chose to differentiate the stages in my relationship.

Deep down I knew our courtship was going to last 10 years so I wanted to pace things out so that we don’t ever get bored of each other.

4. Don’t Issue An Ultimatum

Cornering someone into a decision never works. Three scenarios can quite possibly play out.

– He will give you an answer you want to hear just for the moment
– He says yes immediately to marrying but resents that decision long after the wedding
– He breaks up with you.

Most people want a Hollywood ending where the girl gets a ring at the end of the big fight but the truth is, it doesn’t always end well.

5. Use This Time For Your Self-Development

Boyfriend won’t commit after 3 years, you say?

Well, I didn’t let that problem stand in my way!

I enrolled in various courses such as Muay Thai, I volunteered at a dog shelter and I went for solo trips overseas during this time I had.

I knew what marriage would entail so I wanted to make the time I had before count by focusing on myself.

All to become a good partner to my boyfriend.

6. Get A Counsellor

It’s perfectly okay to get some external help to frame the heavy conversation as to why he hasn’t proposed yet.

You might just leave the therapy session feeling more aware of your own needs and his.

For all you know, there is never going to be a meeting of minds and you will need to leave this relationship.

7. Leave

When to stop waiting for him to propose, you ask?

This is hard to hear but there is no point in staying in an unfulfilled relationship.

Despite my husband taking so long to propose, he always assured me that I was who he wanted to marry which is why it was okay for me to wait it out.

This might not be the case for you and to be honest, it is outright disrespectful to waste someone else’s time.

Steve Harvey said what is worse than staying in a relationship for 5 years is staying in a relationship for 5 years and 1 day.

Conclusion

I sincerely hope you are feeling much better after discovering the many reasons why your boyfriend hasn’t proposed in 5 years.

Some of the reasons I listed could be downright amusing and even something you might not have thought about.

But I want you to be able to also use this opportunity to reflect on the relationship you want with your partner.

Love is always a long game and sometimes it might take 5 years or 10 years (like me) for you to see the fruits of your labor.

As long as you can see that he is also working towards the same goal as you.

Wishing you nothing but the best in your romantic journey!

Frequently Asked Questions On Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed In 5 Years

How Long Is Too Long For Him To Not Propose?

There is no guideline on how long is too long for him to propose.

However, if you have communicated your intention to your partner and he doesn’t take it seriously, it’s time to move on.

Some men are simply commitment phobic from a variety of reasons such as societal pressures or family trauma.

Should I Leave If He Won’t Marry Me?

Yes, waiting around forever isn’t advisable as it is not fair to you.

There could be a middle ground for the both of you if marriage isn’t an option like a long term partnership.

It is important to have shared visions for your romantic relationship with your other half to avoid conflict.

Can A Relationship Survive A Failed Proposal?

Yes, 30% stayed together and a few even got married after a failed proposal.

Rejection of the proposal does not always spell the end for couples. It might mean both of you were not aligned on the future.

But this could be the start of hard conversations that can steer towards a more harmonious relationship.

How Do You Know He Will Never Marry You?

5 Signs he’ll never marry you:

– He says he is waiting for the right time
– He enjoys you begging him for a proposal
– He refuses to set a wedding date
– He keeps delaying the wedding
– He says living together is ideal for now
– He doesn’t introduce you to family

How Do Men Act Before They Propose?

Increased interest in engagement related topics, secretive behavior or nervousness.

He might start to pay more attention to your future plans or your desired engagement ring.

Your family and friends who may be in the know may also start to exhibit those same strange behaviors because they are simply excited for you.

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