Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me (Reason #10 Will Shock You)

“My boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me!”

Gosh, that sounds truly hurtful. You must be feeling really upset and alone.

You start to wonder if there is something wrong with you.

 Or…could it be something innately wrong with him? Like why is he deliberately trying to hurt you?

You have no idea where to turn to because it feels almost embarrassing to even ask a friend about it.

Well, look no further!

I am here to share with you potential reasons why he said that and also what to do moving forward for this relationship.

So, hold your head up high and let’s get to it!

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me – 15 Reasons Why

1. He Is Not Into You Anymore

You know I am pulling any punches when I go straight into it. Perhaps he is not into you anymore.

He is done making time for you. He sees no end in sight. This is why he doesn’t want to spend any waking minute with you.

I know, girl, it hurts but I assure you, it’s better you know now than 5 years later when he might not want to propose to you.

2. He Is Busy With Work

I know you are thinking about how to deal with a busy boyfriend but hear me out.

He might be working on something important, not just for himself but so he can build a future with you.  So maybe you might want to afford him that space to do so.

3. He Needs Time Alone

You may feel like my partner is never home.

If he is anything like my then boyfriend who is now my husband, he loves the time alone to decompress.

So give the man some space and do your own thing.

You could sign up for a Pilates class, go on a hiking trail with some friends, or read a book on self-improvement during that time.

4 Reasons Why Time Alone Is Important:

• – Cultivate individual interests
• – Solo time to breathe and think
• – Learn to be comfortable with being alone
• – Understanding that absence from your partner makes the heart grow fonder

4. He Is Showing You Who He Is

Do you feel like my boyfriend doesn’t love you?

Listen, it’s easy to get swept up with the love hormones at the start but after a while, he might want his own space because that is who he naturally is.

He needs time to recharge and it’s nothing against you per se.

5. He Wants To Break Up

Boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me, you say?

He might not know how to break up with you so he thinks by avoiding spending time with you, you will get the picture.

I know it is disheartening to hear this but again, it’s better than you end things with the wrong person.

6. He Doesn’t Think Much Of It

Women are more analytical. We can spend hours scrolling through the phone and timing his messages while the guy can go about his day without thinking much of it.

7. He Is Resentful

He has no time for me!

Yes, girl, I hear you loud and clear.

He might be feeling a lot of resentment in your relationship. Perhaps he feels stifled and is looking for the space to get away and think. He might miss his old single life.

And guess what, this is NORMAL and is okay.

You have to respect his sense of individuality. After all, wasn’t this how you met him? When he was alone and was pursuing his life goals.

8. He Grew Complacent

Complacency ruins most relationships. We stop making the effort with our partners and I am afraid this might have happened to him.

He thinks whatever time you spend with each other is sufficient for the relationship.

9. Lack Of Communication

You assume he also wants to spend three times a week with you.

He thinks meeting up once in two weeks is enough.

It is unfair to expect something else from your partner when you have not verbally communicated the expectations and commitment you need.

10. His Family And Friends Don’t Approve Of You

He might not tell you this but perhaps his family and friends don’t approve of the relationship. He has to hide it.

And because of that, he has to spend less time with you to avoid questions about his whereabouts.

11. Past Relationship History

Does he do this with his exes too?

Perhaps this is his natural way of being in a relationship.

It is not wrong per se but his preference for how he wants to be in a relationship needs to be communicated clearly to you.

12. He Has Some Personal Troubles

For all you know, he is struggling mentally with some challenges in his life and he is not ready to share with you. This could be out of fear of judgment.

Or perhaps he doesn’t want to burden you with those problems.

You won’t know this until you calmly speak to him about how he makes you feel.

13. You Have An Anxious Attachment Style

Maybe all you want to do is to cling on to him and this scares the bejeezus out of him. He has an avoidant attachment style owing to his childhood.

This mismatch is spelling trouble in paradise for the two of you.

14. He Is Avoiding Conflict

He doesn’t want to deal with a problem that the both of you may be having. So he would rather just not spend quality time together.

15. He Wants You To Initiate Dates More

He might have been the one doing the pursuing in the relationship and frankly, he is tired of that!

My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me – 18 Helpful Tips

1. Stay Calm

I know you are angry and hurt that he is doing this but staying calm allows you to view the problem through a different lens.

As I stated above, there could be a multitude of reasons why he wants to avoid spending time with you.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• – Is he a good boyfriend in other aspects?
• – Have I communicated my expectations of what spending time looks like to him?
• – Do I see a future with him?

Once you have the answers to this, you can then proceed to the next tips that I think you will find useful.

2. Accepting Him For Who He Is

Decide as to whether you will accept him the way he is IF he doesn’t change. Remember, you cannot change him. He is a whole other person.

If he does take your concerns and change, then great but if he doesn’t, then what?

3. Communicate Your Expectations

Example of what not to say:

I am angry and upset you never spend time with me!!! *stomps off*

Example of what to say:

Hi *boyfriend’s cute nickname*, I miss the way we used to spend so much time together.

My heart races when I think of those times. Do you think we can block out every Friday night to do something as a couple?

Notice how you start with a warm touch before you begin to be specific about what your desires are.

No one likes to be spoken to in an angry manner, especially men.

They absolutely shut down and even if they do end up responding, they will just tell you what you want to hear.

And in the long run, the truth will come out and it won’t be pretty for the relationship.

4. Understand Seasons In Your Relationship

You may feel like my boyfriend has no time for me because of work.

There will be times when you might want space in your relationship to pursue your own goals and you might not be so free to meet your boyfriend.

You would then expect him to have the same understanding and patience I am telling you to have today!

5. Ask Yourself If You Are Overthinking It

He might think he is already spending too much time with his partner.

Sometimes, we tend to overanalyze as a form of escapism from the daily rut.

Be honest with yourself if you are doing just this and if so, stop right there.

This attitude can certainly harm your relationship if it continues.

6. Build A Great Life Outside The Relationship

I understand you feel like my boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me

You had an amazing and fulfilling life outside the relationship. Focus on getting back to it. Your boyfriend is an addition to that great life not a replacement for it.

Here are some ways how you can have a life outside a relationship:

1. Go back to doing things you loved before you started dating (e.g. swimming every Saturday, yoga class on Sundays, or brunch with the girls every Sunday morning)
2. Invest in your personal development (sign up for online courses to boost your promotion at work or get a side hustle)
3. Spend time with your loved ones (avoid rescheduling with your friends because you want to spend time with your boyfriend. Make them of equal and deserving priority)
4. Be comfortable in your skin (take yourself out on a nice dinner, visit your local cinema, and grab a popcorn to indulge in while you are at it)
5. Avoid being jealous (do not view his time alone/ with his family and friends as a threat but instead view it as a chance for him to grow as a person)
6. Give up social media (Observe people, sounds, scents and soak all that goodness in)

7. Find A Common Interest

According to a study by Pew Research, 64% of married couples who are happy said having a shared interest is important in determining the longevity of their relationship.

Well, how do you find a new common interest if you don’t have one? Sign up for as many different activities as you can!

The other day, my husband and I did a salsa class together.

You can bet we both had two left feet and were horrible on the dance floor BUT we had an amazing time together.

It was nice experiencing something new together!

Unsure of what to try? Here are some helpful ideas to get you started!

• – Head to a museum
• – Visit the zoo
• – Plan a road trip
• – Start a book club
• – Get tickets to a musical/ play
• – Volunteer at a shelter
• – Painting class
• – Get a gym membership
• – Pottery class
• – Organize a game night

As you can see, the list is endless. If those activities still don’t hold up, check out another 40 couple activities that can help the both of you discover a shared interest!

8. Listen Well

If you are telling him that you require more time together for the relationship, listen well without interrupting him.

He might have a solid reason as to why he might want more time apart.

Again, this is something you need to come to terms with whether or not you want this type of relationship well into the future.

9. Understand Attachment Styles

Learn more about each other’s attachment styles so that you can better manage expectations about your relationship.

Ways To Deal With An Avoidant Partner:

• – Be patient
• – Create an atmosphere of safety
• – Respect cultural (family) differences
• – Avoid controlling their behavior
• – Do not interrupt their alone time
• – Don’t take their rejections personally
• – Avoid criticizing them
• – Validate their feelings and needs

10. Offer Alone Time

My husband has an avoidant attachment style which means he needs plenty of time away from the kids and me.

So what do I do as a partner to support him?

Arrange for his alone time.

I take the kids away to my mom’s home so that he can have the time to do anything he pleases. He usually likes to stay home and watch a movie.

When we return, we find a husband and a father who is more attentive as his ‘time tank’ has been filled with his own needs.

11. Surprise Him

Perhaps he finds the relationship a bit of a bore, so you can plan up some surprises for him to get his heart racing for you once again.

Out of ideas to surprise him? Look no further down below!

• – Arrange a treasure hunt for him
• – Plan a boys’ night out (my personal favorite)
• – Bring him lunch at work
• – Buy him tickets to his favorite movie

12. Talk To A Confidant

Maybe whenever you get anxious about him not spending enough time with him, you can redirect it to a friend.

Call up a close friend and you can mull over it if it makes you happy. At least that friend won’t feel stifled and claustrophobic like your boyfriend!

13. Consider Other Methods Of Quality Time

For some reason, it might be hard for him to spend time with you physically but he might be more open to other methods such as video calls.

That way, he can still go about his work/ other priorities whilst still making time for you!

14. Get Him To Plan Dates

Since he has different expectations of quality time, get him to plan out what dates should look like!

15. Manage Your Emotions

I find most tips online on how to manage this problem focus on the other party i.e. your boyfriend rather than yourself.

I think it’s important also for you to learn how not to be so clingy and have the expectation that he will always be at your beck and call.

It is unrealistic and also unsustainable for anyone to meet those goals.

16. Ask Him If You Can Join Something He Does

Maybe he wants to be a gym bro and loves spending hours every Saturday hitting the barbells.

What’s stopping you from joining him there?

17. Get Counseling

There is no shame in getting a neutral third party involved in your relationship.

I dare say that the therapy/counseling sessions can provide you with some lifelong tools that can benefit your relationship in the long run.

18. Time To Pack Up Your Bags And Leave

I am a firm believer that you shouldn’t have to put up with anything you don’t want to. If you are unable to deal with this behavior from your partner, then I suggest you leave.

Especially if he gaslights/ refuses to change.

Better to walk away with your head held high, I say!

Conclusion

I hope you found answers as to why my boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me. This is a very delicate stage of your relationship so you will want to tread carefully.

The good news is you get to decide whether or not this is an opportunity for growth or time to walk away because it hasn’t served you.

The choice is really in your hands.

Let me know if anything I said was helpful in your situation. Or perhaps you may have other suggestions that could benefit other readers.

Sending you lots of good wishes on your journey!

Frequently Asked Questions On My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me

What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With You?

You’re not a priority in his life and maybe he has a good reason for it.

But if this regularly happens, it is symptomatic of a larger problem in your relationship. Calmly communicate with him to understand why this is the case.

Perhaps there might be something you may have done.

What To Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Spend Enough Time With You?

Talk to him about his actions and how it makes you feel in the relationship:

• It might not mean that he doesn’t want to be with you or love you.
• In a calm manner, share with him exactly how his actions hurt you even though he says he misses you.

Is It Normal For Couples Not To Spend Time Together?

Yes, some couples prefer more independent or solitary activities while others enjoy spending a significant amount of time together and find it fulfilling.

It is important to communicate your needs and desire in the relationship so that expectations can be managed.

This would greatly help in reducing instances of resentment and anger.

Why Do I Get Upset When My Boyfriend Wants Alone Time?

It’s normal to feel dread or anxiety after your significant other declares they want space.

Especially if your partner is already absent to begin with. You may want to understand why he needs it.

Perhaps you can also use that time to develop yourself and this will help you become a better partner.

Should I Text Him If He Needs Space?

No, give him the space he asked for as it will show you respect his words.

Follow through with no contact or cut off communication if this is what is agreed upon by both parties. He will certainly appreciate that you listened to him.

He might use this solitude to work on himself.

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