Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You – 15 Honest Reasons Why

Boyfriend hasn’t said I love you?

You must be feeling so doubtful, frustrated, and at a loss in this relationship.

All sorts of crazy thoughts run through your mind.

Is he seeing someone else? Are you just a place card till he finds the ‘one’?

Dying to ask someone for advice but worried you may be seen as a clingy and controlling girlfriend?

Well, don’t worry, I am here for you, girl.

I will walk you through the many reasons he might not be saying I love you yet.

And share with you some useful and practical tips I used to get my boyfriend to say those amazing words.

So, let’s read on!

Disclaimer:

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15 Reasons Why Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You

1. He Is Not Ready

Yes, it’s nice to hear someone reciprocate the words “I love you” but how do you do it if you are not ready?

Do you want him to fake it? Do you want him to be insincere with his thoughts? Force him to be someone he is not?

I assure you, that is not loving him.

The truth is, you cannot force someone if they are not ready.

2. He Is Scared To Say It First

Have you said I love you yet? If you haven’t, he might be afraid of saying it to you and risk putting you off.

This is quite normal at the start of any relationship where you suss each other out.

3. It’s Too Early

How early is too early, you ask?

Well, every relationship is different. For some, the initial euphoria of being in love is enough for you to whisper sweet nothings into your partner’s ears.

For others (like me!), saying I love you meant I was serious and this was a real relationship. It was daunting to me.

After all, it was my first relationship and I was secretly fearful that if I said it, he would dump me/ we would break up (I know, crazy right).

The key here is, to be honest and not expect anything when you say I love you.

Harder than it seems, eh?

4. He Has A Different Language From You

I am sure you know this by now but saying I love you is not the only way for you to know that he loves you.

Here’s a simple date night activity that can help you understand him better.

Why don’t the both of you take the love language test together? It can be a great conversation as you discover how different you both may express love.

I have to be honest, I used to expect my boyfriend to shower with me lots of gifts during our courtship but he didn’t know this. As a result, I was a frustrated and grumpy girlfriend while he grew unhappy that he couldn’t make me happy.

When we did the test together, we discovered how I valued gifts and he valued physical touch.

Physical touch is honestly my worst nightmare BUT because it is important for him, I give him the occasional back rub/ morning kisses before work.

In return, he ensures that he shows his appreciation for me by buying me precious gifts like a handbag I have been eyeing or a day at the spa!

We are so much happier now!

5. His Attachment Style Is Different From Yours

Did you know that 50 years of research has proven that the earliest bond with your parent (usually mom) has a profound impact on the health of your romantic relationships?

From this study, 4 attachment styles were identified:

• – Secure Attachment – more ready for romantic relationships and great at forming long-lasting healthy relationships
• – Anxious Attachment – seen as clingy or needy, needs constant assurance. Can be difficult to be with
• – Avoidant Attachment – Emotionally guarded and very self-reliant. May be difficult for the other partner to be with
• – Disorganized Attachment – Usually craves close relationships but tends to push people away when they show them attention

So there is a high chance that he may be avoidant or disorganized in his attachment style. This might not be about you at all but it may apply to all his relationships.

The only way to find out is to get him to take the free 5-minute test!

6. He Has Been Been Hurt In The Past

If your boyfriend has been hurt by a previous relationship or trauma, you need to exercise some empathy for him.

Saying I love you is a big deal and he might not feel inclined to say it just yet.

7. He Is Going Through Something Personal

If you are at the start of your relationship, you can’t expect your partner to just unload every single problem he may be going through.

He hasn’t built a bond just yet.

The problems he might be having could range from his turbulent family life to non-stop work stress.

Give him some much-needed space.

8. He Is Shy

It could be his personality trait to be less verbal than you. Most guys are.

So it might take a little bit of coaxing for him to open but I promise you, when it does, you are going to be glad you waited all this time!

9. He Doesn’t Feel The Need To Say It

This is similar to his love language. He just doesn’t value the importance of saying I love you.

He shows his ‘love’ in a multitude of ways but perhaps you don’t even notice it because all you are looking for is verbal affirmation.

10. He Is Upset With You

It’s normal for each of you to take turns being upset at each other. This time, it’s his.

So it’s a perfectly plausible explanation as to why he has not said I love you yet. He might want things between the both of you to be fixed first.

11. He Is Cheating On You

Maybe the real reason why he hasn’t said I love you is because he is saying it to someone else.

12. He Is Complacent

It happens to the best of relationships. You might just have to give him a little nudge or two in the right direction that this is what is important to YOU.

13. He Is Resentful

This is quite similar to being upset except that resentment is something that brews over time.

You might not have made it easier for him to share his true thoughts with you. This can make a man feel trapped within a relationship.

Is it any wonder then that your boyfriend hasn’t said I love you?

14. He Is Losing Interest

If you have to constantly question his love for you, perhaps it is time to dig in deeper. Ask yourself if he is giving up on the relationship.

Signs He Might Be Over You:

• – Avoids making plans
• – No longer physically intimate
• – Prioritizes others over you
• – Vague when asked about his personal life
• – Disinterested when you share your feelings

15. He Isn’t In Love With You

Ouch.

That is a tough one to swallow but it’s worth saying. Perhaps you might just be the in-between girlfriend right before he settles down.

Hard to hear but it’s better for you to face this fact sooner rather than later.

Other Signs He Doesn’t Think You Are The One:

• – He doesn’t introduce you to his family and close friends
• – He keeps you at a distance
• – He is not interested in your personal life
• – He only calls you for you-know-what

Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You – That’s Okay! (14 Tips To Help)

1. Be Honest (With Yourself)

Determine if hearing the oh-so-sweet words I love you is a need for you. If it is then, yes, tell him how you feel.

But if you want him to say it just so you can compare notes with your girlfriend or achieve some sort of status with him then no.

Everyone has a different tolerance. I will admit that I felt saying I love you was superficial when I was dating.

Why?

Well, at that point, have you been through anything hard in life/ your relationship yet? It felt meaningless to say it. As a result, I didn’t say it until I was truly ready.

Took 6 months.

Thankfully, my boyfriend was extremely understanding and I appreciated it.

2. Engage With Your Boyfriend

I often use the word engage as opposed to communicate. Engagement feels like you are having a two-way involvement where you also get to hear his thoughts.

There is an art to engaging with the opposite sex.

Here’s What Not To Do:

Here’s What To Do Instead:

If you are accusatory, whether it be your boyfriend or friend for that matter, the person will shut down.

But if you choose to converse with empathy and understanding, you provide an open space for the person to share their fears and challenges in a situation.

3. Get A New Phrase

Maybe it’s “I adore you” or “I enjoy your company”. Why does one phrase always have to take the cake?

4. Align Your Expectations

Sure, it’s nice to have someone also say how much they love you but you need to remember that true love is unconditional.

You cannot expect him to say something if he is not ready.

Not saying he won’t ever be ready but maybe exercise some patience for now.

5. Show Appreciation In Other Ways

Love is expressed in a myriad of ways. After finding out his love language, perhaps you can plan your dates around it.

Not sure where to start? Here are some simple ideas to get you going:

• – Physical Touch – put on a nice romantic movie at home and cuddle
• – Acts Of Service – vacuum the house, make him a warm meal, put gas in the car
• – Receiving Gifts – surprise him with lunch at work, give her a romantic card, send him chocolates
• – Quality Time – put the phone away and give him your undivided time. Active listening can do wonders for your relationship
• – Words Of Affirmation – make a conscious effort to tell him how much you appreciate him daily

6. Find A Life Outside Your Relationship

I know this sounds counterintuitive but hear me out.

When all we do is surround ourselves with our partners, we can make a problem when there isn’t a problem.

Some interesting things to try for your personal development:

• – Take a painting class nearby
• – Volunteer at a shelter
• – Sign up for a Muay Thai session at the gym

Use this extra ‘time’ you have wisely to build your self-worth and value.

7. Recognize The Seasons In Your Relationship

Look, this is probably just the start of the relationship and it might not reflect the future so I wouldn’t worry about it too much if I were you.

The goal here is to do your best as your girlfriend and if he still doesn’t appreciate you awhile (even in other ways), then perhaps this is a sign to get out!

8. Work On Yourself

You have to also ask yourself if you are being overtly clingy and cautious. Maybe you have an anxious attachment style. If so, this can drive him away.

I know it’s not easy to be anxious – I am right there with your girlfriend, but you need to be aware of your insecurities and not project them onto a relationship.

9. Accept Him For Who He Is

If he never says I love you, are you okay with that?

There is no rule in the world that for you to have a successful relationship, you ought to say I love you to each other.

Only you have the answer to this very burning question.

10. Manage Your Own Emotions

Boyfriend hasn’t said I love you? I know it hurts but try to think beyond your emotions for now.

This is in line with building a life outside your relationship.

You need to take control of your emotions.

It is easy to get riled up when your friends also say that he should be saying I love you to you 3 months in, 6 months in, etc.

But it’s important to also be reminded that mere words do not constitute love in action.

11. Understand Where He Is Coming From

How do you get your boyfriend to love you?

Well, if he came from a vulnerable background, it might be hard for him to utter those words. For example, he might fear attachment and intimacy.

You can ask him open-ended questions and see whether he leads you. Let me warn you though. This process takes a lot of time.

12.  Inject The Fun Into Your Relationship

I know this sounds like a weird suggestion for this topic but maybe this is one way of backing off the ‘status’ of the relationship and just enjoying each other.

He might just surprise you with an I love you when you least expect it!

13. Get Counselling

If he doesn’t seem to open up with you, you could try getting a licensed therapist or a counselor to help both of you frame the conversation.

The person in charge may be able to provide some useful tools that you can use beyond the session.

14. Leave

If this is something you truly value in your relationship and you have done your best in communicating this to him, and he doesn’t budge from his ways then it’s time to pack your bags.

No one wants to do this but you also need to remind yourself that you are worthy of someone who can give you what you want in a romantic relationship.

Conclusion For Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You

So I hope you are feeling much better after realizing that there are so many possibilities as to why your boyfriend hasn’t said I love you.

Some of the reasons might be downright amusing but I bet some might make you reflect on the kind of relationship you may want.

Regardless, love is never for the faint-hearted, and know that this experience will help you better your communication with him.

So be sure to embrace the perceived setbacks you will most certainly have in your lifetime.

Sending you lots of love and light as always on your romantic journey ahead.

FAQs On My Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You

Should I Be Worried My Boyfriend Hasn’t Said I Love You?

No, their feelings are still developing. It might take a different amount of time for each person.

They might not be ready yet because they do not feel it just yet. Their love for you might be slowly starting to form but it doesn’t mean they don’t care deeply for you.

How Long Should I Wait For Him To Say I Love You?

Most men say I love you on average after three months while women may take up to a year to express their love according to latest research.

There is no hard and fast rule but you might want to look out for acts of love rather than verbal affirmations as a guide.

How A Man Shows Love Without Saying It?

Giving their time to you is a gift in itself because time spent cannot be taken back.

Men are generally not as expressive as women are in relationships.

But, when they choose to spend more time with you rather than their family and friends, this means it is their way of saying they love you.

Should A Man Tell A Woman He Loves Her First?

Yes if he truly feels it. Just like how it’s okay for a woman to also say I love you first.

You should not to feel like you have to keep score of who does what first.  

However, take note that some people may not be as verbal in their romantic relationships.

How Soon Is Too Soon To Say Love YOU?

At least three months into the relationship is a safe bet according to experts as the romance reaches more stable ground.

However, every relationship is different so there is no rule book when it comes to matters of the heart as long as it is done sincerely in a safe space.

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