Why Is My Wife So Secretive With Her Phone? (18 Shocking Reasons)

Did you just google why is my wife so secretive with her phone?

Well, I bet you are extremely curious as to why she is spending all that time on her phone.

All sorts of crazy thoughts come your way such as is she seeing someone else? Is she hiding a mountain of debt from you?

Don’t worry – I have a whole list of why she may be doing this and what you can do about it.

So if you are interested in learning how to navigate this problem in your marriage, I’d invite you to read this article.

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

Why Is My Wife So Secretive With Her Phone? (18 Reasons)

1. Affair

I bet you googled how to tell if you are wife is having an affair after feeling like she is secretive with her phone.

Let’s get straight to it. The biggest reason why you think she might be secretive with you is that you think she might be having an affair.

Heck, it is a crazy thought but one that is completely valid.

Women love the emotional aspect of a relationship so if she is cheating, I assure you she will be glued to her phone.

Now, if this is your situation, there are ways for you to salvage your relationship without getting into therapy just yet.

2. Wants To Avoid Being Judged

Maybe she doesn’t want you to see what she does on her phone.

She could be searching for a plethora of information such as the latest celebrity gossip to spending hours on social media so she gets her dopamine hits.

Perhaps you have judged her usage in the past and she feels scared it will happen again.

3.  Secret

Could she be hiding something from you? Maybe she feels comfortable sharing that information with her close girlfriends but not you.

 4. Addiction

Addiction comes in many ways. She could be severely addicted to her phone.

Smartphones are designed to be addictive. Everything from its colors is meant to keep users engaged and enthralled.

Some signs of phone addiction include:

• Stress
• Lower concentration
• Fear of missing out
• Reduced cognition
• Creativity blocks

5. Surprise

Still thinking why is my wife so secretive with her phone?

Is your birthday coming up? Perhaps she wants to sweep you off your feet because you have been working so hard for the family.

So, maybe her being secretive is not such a bad thing in this scenario?

6. Unwell

Maybe she is unwell with an illness and is not ready to tell you. She feels it is easier to confide with her close friends because she doesn’t want to worry you.

I know this is hard but you will need to take it easy with her and not distress her so much until she is ready.

7. Trying To Get Your Attention

Are you the one who started to be addicted to the phone?

Maybe she is trying to signal she needs attention from you in a counterintuitive way. She misses you and wants you to notice her ‘absence’.

It is a weird way to get attention but heck, she is willing to try anything to get your attention!

8. Lost Interest

She has given up on your marriage. You no longer mean anything much to her and she is just going through with the motions to stay in the marriage.

9. Keeping Evidence

Why is my wife so secretive with her phone?

Perhaps you have cheated on her in the past and she is keeping tabs on all the evidence so that she can use it in the divorce settlement.

She doesn’t want you to have access to it.

10. Depression

She might be suffering from mild depression if she is so secretive with her phone. The phone serves as her lifeline of escapism.

When she has it close by, she feels comforted by the device.

She doesn’t want you to have access to her phone because she fears you judging her incessant use.

11. New Financial Status

She might be running a side hustle to generate income or is already making more money than what she has led you to believe.

So she doesn’t want you to know because that would mean her having to contribute that amount to the family fund.

12. Addiction To Porn

I know it’s hard to believe but there are more women today consuming pornography.

It might be a topic she is afraid of talking about with you because she fears you casting a negative judgment on her.

13. Suspects You Having An Affair

She might be relying on her best friends for support if she suspects that you are having an affair.

She might need time to process her thoughts before confronting you with the issue. It is a tough pill to swallow when you are face to face with marital issues.

14. Avoid Misuse From The Children

She might be secretive with her phone because she doesn’t want your children to have access to it.

You know how kids are with iPads and cellular phones. It is impossible to peel them away from it.

15. Boredom

Nothing great is going on with her life so she uses her phone to quell her boredom.

If she is a stay-at-home mom, she probably gets a little overwhelmed some days when she has to deal with children all day long. The phone provides her with a window into outside life.

16. She Is Doing Something You Don’t Let Her Do

Do you control her movement? Maybe you don’t allow her to go to the gym alone? Maybe you don’t allow her to drive anywhere alone?

Well, if you do something close to this, I assure you, she will not be pleased and will find ways to hide behind his back.

17. You Spilled Her Secret

Maybe you blurted out a secret before in a public setting and this has eroded her trust. Now she doesn’t want you anywhere near her.

18. She Doesn’t Think You Have An Issue With It

She might not even realize it bothers you so much. It is normal for her to be secretive with her belongings even though both of you are married.

What To Do When You Wonder Why Is My Wife So Secretive With Her Phone? – 19 Tips

1. Talk To Her

Find a good time to speak to her uninterrupted and tell her how much her being secretive with her phone is bothering her.

As I said, she might not even realize it as much.

I know it’s easy to presume she is having an affair but again, you won’t know these things until you actually communicate to her.

2. Ensure You Do The Same

Keep your phone unlocked to assure her that you do not have anything to hide.

Let her know that she can access your phone anytime to build some trust. Ask her gently if she would be willing to do the same and explain to her the importance of doing it.

Remember she might be thinking that my husband is secretive with his phone as well so it is good to set a good example.

3. Do Not Force Her

I know it is hard to wonder why is my wife so secretive with her phone. You cannot force anyone to do anything she doesn’t want to do so don’t sound off if she refuses. Just allow her to do it on her terms when she is ready.

4. Plan Fun Date Nights

I don’t know why everyone assumes date nights mean watching a movie.

That is hardly fun when both of you watch a giant screen for two hours. How is that engaging and fulfilling for each other?

If you are looking for fun date nights to sweep her off her feet, have a look at this! There are over 105 ideas for you to choose from.

If you are keeping her excited and romanced, I assure you, the phone is the last thing she would want to look at.

5. Set Rituals

What are your couple’s rituals? I bet you are thinking what on earth is that?

Well, rituals are meant to cement the relationship further and don’t have to be elaborate.

For my marriage, I always make it a habit to hug my husband when he walks in the door after a long day at the office.

This is regardless of whether I have had a long day myself.

My husband’s love language is physical touch so I ensure his ‘cup’ is full because I love him and want to make him happy.

The best part is, that your relationship rituals are yours to own. So start to think of something that you can do together TODAY!

 6. Have Intentional Conversations

Date nights are fun and dandy but let’s be real, how often can you squeeze that in?

It takes a whole lot of coordination and cheap babysitters to ensure the kids are taken care of before you can gallivant with your wife.

So this is why crafting out 10 minutes of daily intentional conversation with your wife is so important. Some simple and open-ended questions include:

• What was the best part of your day?
• What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
• What can I do to help you?

7. Ask Yourself If You Are Overthinking

Maybe you are overthinking things. She might not even be secretive but your paranoia is harming the relationship.

So spend some time in reflection before you have a conversation with her.

8.  Be Kind

She might be feeling overwhelmed, hormonal, and alone. Be gentle to her during this season.

She needs her husband to be that strong rock for her to rely on as she goes through whatever confusing season this is.

9. Put Yourself In Her Shoes

Imagine if you have a deep dark secret that you can’t tell anyone? Now that you have that thought, try imagining being her. I am sure it is not an easy place to be in with having to hide those secrets.

10. Sign Up For A Marriage Workshop

Problems in a relationship aren’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, it serves as a chance for us to level up our game and be better spouses.

So use this opportunity to sign up for a marriage workshop together so you can build on the existing foundation you have with her.

11. Focus On Your Self Care

Perhaps it is time to take the attention of her and focus on yourself. This will allow her to have some breathing room so that you are not on to her about her secretive phone usage.

Spend the additional time you have by checking out 40 self-care tips that can help you reenergize your thoughts and not worry about her as much.

12. Get Intimate

She could be secretive with her phone because she doesn’t trust you. Maybe time to take her mind off things but enjoying your marital union in the bedroom

13. Surprise

When was the last time you did something special for her? Do you even know her love language? If you do not, get her to do the simple test and treat her by how she would like to be loved.

14. Take Note Of The Season In Your Marriage

People don’t talk about this enough. You will go through seasons of distance and feeling a little bit neglected by your spouse.

Newsflash – This is real life and not some romantic reality show.

So have some grace and practice patience with your spouse.

15. Understand Her Current State

Did she just get a new job? Is she going through menopause? There could be a whole host of reasons why she is acting out of the ordinary.

So be gentle with her as you navigate this problem.

16. Get Feedback

We have the feedback process deeply ingrained at work but do we have something similar at home?

I don’t want to overcomplicate your life so I am just sharing 3 simple questions I use with my husband every quarter.

And by the way, we schedule this over a nice lunch date (sans kids).

• What do you think I am doing great in this marriage
• Where do you see our shortfalls
• How do you imagine the next 5 years together

If you do not carve out the time intentionally, I assure you – it will come and haunt you in other ways.

She might use this avenue to express her dissatisfaction with her marriage and this is why she is always on her phone and so secretive.

17. Demonstrate Enthusiasm

Do you still show interest in your spouse? How do you show her this? Do you genuinely care about her day? If you don’t, why would you expect her to show you the same attention?

18. Seek Counselling

Get a third party who is neutral to hear the both of you out. A change in scenery might just help salvage your relationship.

19. Consider Separation

Look, there is only so much you can do with your wife. If she wants to remain this way especially if you have tried your best then you are left with no choice.

Conclusion

So that’s it folks, reasons and helpful strategies that can help if you ask yourself why is my wife so secretive with her phone.

It can be hard when this happens and all sorts of thoughts may race through your mind but know that this is a common problem in a lot of marriages.

It can be overcome with the right conversation between you and your partner.

Some couples even come out a lot stronger and more unified. But if you feel like you have done your best and still she doesn’t want to relent for a murkier reason, there is only so much you can do.

Let me know in the comment section if any of this resonates with you and your partner.

Frequently Asked Questions On Why Is My Wife So Secretive With Her Phone

Should Your Wife Let You See Her Phone?

Yes, but you should not go through your partner’s phone. You wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed.

If you already suspect something is wrong, talk to your wife instead of checking their phones behind their back. Lack of trust is common in relationships so you should find ways to improve it with communication.

Why Do I Feel My Wife Is Hiding Something?

Because they don’t feel like they have a safe place to share their inner thoughts and desires. They may also hide something if they feel they will be reprimanded for doing something wrong.

Alternatively, they feel like the truth might hurt you. You can make the environment safer so they will also open up.

How Do I Know My Marriage Has Failed?

When couples stop spending quality time together, it is seen as a red flag that has potential to affect the marriage.

Time doesn’t have to be elaborate, even simple walks together or daily breakfasts is valid. It is also important to carve out quality and meaningful conversations during those sessions rather than to just exist.

What Weakens A Marriage?

Poor communication or negative communication has been seen as the biggest predictor of marriage problems. It has a profound impact on marriage if nothing is done to solve it.

Try to adopt positive habits when you do have arguments such as listening intently to your partner and being empathetic towards them.

What Is The Number 1 Reason For Divorce?

The lack of commitment has been touted as the number 1 reason for divorce. Almost 75 % of individuals cited this as to why they parted ways.

Marriage is not always easy and if you do not have a strong commitment to uphold those vows, you can expect your marriage to end in future.

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