My Husband Always Defends His Daughter – 21 Tips That 100% Work

My husband always defends his daughter has become such a trending search topic on Google recently!

It can be lonely and frustrating, and you may feel that you have NO IDEA what to do the next time this happens. You may also feel like there is so much information online, but you don’t know how to take the first step.

Don’t worry! I got you. I will share why this happens so you can better understand your husband. There are some handy tips to help you navigate this tricky situation the next time it happens at home.

13 Reasons Why Your Husband Always Defends His Daughter

1. You Don’t Treat Her Well

Have you considered how you are treating your daughter? Do you ask her for feedback on how you are doing as a parent?

Were you surprised by that question?

I started to schedule check-ins with my 4-year-old son on how I am faring as his mother.

Our conversation goes something like this:

Me: Buddy, how am I doing as a mother? Do you think I am an excellent mummy, or do you need improvement?

Son: You are a good Mummy.

Me: Why am I a good Mummy?

Son: Because you listen.

*cue the crying and happy emoji*

We never fail to ask or receive feedback from our bosses at work but what about our kids or spouses? Try this method with your child, and let me know if it works!

2. He Is Too Emotional 

Maybe your husband is too emotional. He feels more empathy for his daughter because she is just a child.

3. You Are Too Strict

Mums are always strict, while dads are the kids’ favourite play buddies. So, he may find you need to be more relaxed.

4. He Doesn’t Share Your Values 

He may not be sharing your values, similar need to finding you too strict. Perhaps he thinks your daughter skipping her homework one night is acceptable.

Maybe he thinks your daughter should be able to attend a party without chaperones. Whatever the situation may be, you both have differing values on how to raise a child.

5. He Does Not Want His Daughter To Become Like You 

Could resentment about your marriage be brewing in him? Maybe he feels frustrated with you and doesn’t want his daughter to end up like you in the future.

It may be time to speak to him to get into the details.

 6. She Is Manipulative 

Are you wondering why my husband always defends his daughter?

I assume his always defending his daughter is now a common occurrence, so much so that your daughter knows she can get away with it.

Hence, she knows how to manipulate her father at the drop of a hat.

7. She Is His Blood, And You Are Not

If this is your stepdaughter, expect him to be more protective of her. After all, it is his fatherly instinct as he might feel she has nobody at home.

It is just the reality of the situation you married into.

8. He Is Not Fond Of Your Kids 

He may also need to defend his daughter because he doesn’t like your kids. Marrying him with your children makes the situation far more delicate. Plural families take a longer time to adjust to the new norm.

9. He Thinks His Daughter Needs Him More 

You are much older, so he thinks his young daughter might need more defence. Let’s face it, she is still much more youthful, and her brain isn’t fully developed until she is 25, so naturally, he will come to her defence.

10. Your Husband Is Mean 

Feeling like my husband always defends his daughter can be a painfully lonely feeling. This point might even apply if you feel my husband defends his mother over me.

Could he be a problematic, mean person? Maybe he enjoys seeing you seethe angrily when he becomes protective over his daughter. He could be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.

11. Your Husband Is Stressed At Work

He is facing such a hard time at work, and the last thing he wants to come home to is an argument about who is right. His daughter or his spouse?

It is easier for him to choose his younger daughter and expect you to be more empathetic and give in more.

12. Your Husband Is Depressed

He doesn’t care anymore about who is right or wrong. He is probably depressed from work, chores, and childcare and is feeling numb.

This can be a lonely journey for him to walk on, and his frustrations are showing in how he treats you at home.

13. Your Husband Wants Out

Do you have frequent thoughts that my husband always defends his daughter?

Defending his daughter could signify that he wants to end your marriage and walk out with her.

Not a pretty thought, eh? But we must be self-aware of the problem and face it head-on in order  to fix it.

What To Do When Your Husband Defends His Daughter? – 21 Tips To Help

Do you feel like my husband defends everyone but me?

Well, here are some tips that can help!

1. Tell Him It’s Not A Big Deal

Power struggles between the two women in his life are bound to happen, so tell him not to sweat the small stuff but work on a solution together.

2. Ask for His Help With Adjustment 

Have a separate discussion without the presence of his daughter and try to ask him to play a good cop or a lousy cop.

This means he is the one that now has to discipline her and not you. You now become the ‘fun parent’, so to speak, in her eyes.

3. Get the Ex Involved

How is your relationship with your husband’s ex-wife? Could you get her to speak to the daughter to get more support? 

Treat all the girls in the family to a spa session to create a memorable bonding experience with all.

4. Make His Daughter Your Confidante

How much one-on-one time have you spent with his daughter? Do you know what interests her?

If you can take her out, spend time with her just being there. No need to ask questions such as ‘Why are you being so difficult to me? What can I do to make you feel loved at home”.

You want her to focus on a stress-free time doing activities she enjoys.

5. Help Her Dress Like Her Mother 

Considering that you are a newbie in this dynamic, consider getting her to dress up as her mother does.

She will always look up to her mother more than anyone else. So use it to your advantage!

 6. Sign Up For Classes Together 

Everyone bonds better when both are new at that skill set. Try getting your hands dirty at a pottery or cooking class nearby.

Or, if you love adventure like me, sign up for a go-kart race with her! That will surely get some endorphins in.

7. Encourage Her In Opening Up To You 

Let her know that you provide a no judgement zone. She must be comforted that you will hold space for her, especially when she is going through something challenging.

As they say, if you listen to the small stuff when they are young, they will share the big things with you as they age.

You will also set a great example to your husband on how a father should treat his daughter.

8. Set Up A United Front

Kids learn how to get their way fast. Chat with your husband about always setting up a united front.

This may be an excellent time to understand how a father feels about his daughter.

9. Be Considerate

Consider his thoughts and ideas about how he chooses to parent. After all, that is the blood we are talking about.

I am sure you expect the same treatment from your husband regarding your children. So have some empathy as you walk through this delicate situation.

10. Stay Calm

In the heat of the moment, it is hard to stay calm, but it’s essential that you do to demonstrate emotional maturity to both your spouse and child.

11. Ask Him How He Feels About You

Could he constantly going to his daughter’s defence be a sign that your marriage is in trouble?

Consider spending time with him alone and asking him for honest feedback on how you are doing as a spouse and mother.

Tip: Be prepared for answers you may not like – it’s important here to listen rather than respond

12. Give Personal Touches To Everything

Creating small gestures at home is a simple way to make your daughter feel appreciated and welcomed.

For example, if you know, she likes pancakes with chocolate sprinkles. Make Sundays pancake day in your home.

If you know she has been dying to attend a local concert, surprise her with tickets and, even better, get her friends in on the action too!

Indeed, that will tug at her heartstrings as she knows you have listened to her all this time.

13. Spend Some Quality Time With Your Spouse

How to get your husband in your corner? Well, he needs to be reminded of what a fantastic spouse you are and what better way than to spend some quality time together away from the kids?

The bond between the both of you will grow exponentially, and in return, he will start to look at the two of you as a partnership moving forward.

14. Exercise

Have you considered signing up for a mommy-and-me exercise class with your girl? The rush of endorphins can undoubtedly boost your mood.

She will also be able to bond with you a lot better after a good sweat session at the gym. If the gym overwhelms her, why don’t you keep it simple with just a 10-minute walk around the block after dinner?

15. Counselling

If all else fails, consider getting counselling as a family to address issues. There’s no harm in getting external help.

16. Share Positive Mother-Daughter Stories

Perhaps your daughter is consumed by the media that all stepmothers are evil.

But you can easily change the narrative by sharing about different blended families and how they can make things work.

17. Make New Memories Together

Consider taking a trip as a family to build new memories together. Getting out of your routine will undoubtedly serve as a reset for everyone.

18. Learn To Be Fair

It’s hard always to take your kids’ side but imagine how she might feel. Try to be as fair as possible to everyone.

After all, you must treat his children as your own if you want your marriage to work.

19. Talk To Her About Love (And Boys)

Every daughter wants to talk about love and boys with their mothers. But only if their mothers are open to hearing.

This could be a great bonding activity where you share your dating stories from your heyday.

20. Be Objective

Take on an unbiased view (I know it isn’t straightforward). Try to understand why he defends his daughter. You may use these prompting questions to self-reflect:

• – Is he justified in the defense?
• – Does he have good intentions?
• – Are you being objective in your view?

21. Communicate Your Feelings

Talk to both your husband and his daughter together.  They might not even realise its damaging impact on your life.

Effective communication with your spouse plays a significant role in improving your marital satisfaction.

 Conclusion

So there you have it, folks, some practical tips to help the next time you feel my husband always defends his daughter.

Always treat your relationship with your other half with emotional maturity and mutual respect. After all, once the kids leave the nest, you will only have each other to look forward to, and it won’t be pretty if the both of you are bitter and resentful.

Let me know in the comments below if any solutions have worked for you.

Or you may have other topics/ questions you’d like to see on the blog that could benefit the marriage community.

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