I Cheated On My Husband And He Left Me – Complete Guide

It must have been hard to search for the topic of ‘I cheated on my husband he left me!‘

I bet you are feeling just overwhelmed and absolutely shattered for hurting your spouse. It can be such a dark place for the two of you, and you may feel like there is NO END in sight.

But the fact that you are here means you don’t want to give up on your marriage just yet.

So hold on to that thought as I walk through with you why this happened in your marriage so that you will be better prepared to take some of the action steps I recommend to move forward.

Disclaimer:

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1. Be Patient

First, the wounds are very raw and will remain that way for a very long time for both parties.

Yes, do recognize that you can also be hurt with this experience even though you cheated on him. Clearly, you were vulnerable and looking for an answer in all the wrong places.

So learn to exercise caution and avoid making big decisions about your marriage and relationship.

2. Sincerely Repent Your Deeds

This is a tough one. Even if your husband treated you poorly, it was no excuse to be in the arms of another man. You will need to sincerely apologize for the pain you caused him.

Now this tip applies even if it was the other way around where you feel he cheated on me and left me for her.

3. End The Affair Now

If you haven’t ended it yet, do it NOW. You have already caused him so much pain. The dalliance you may have had is not real life.

Living a secret double life is exhausting. Hiding the affair from family and coworkers can really damage your mental health or even worse give you an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

How To Apologize Genuinely?

• – Acknowledge the hurt

Explain that your behavior was unacceptable. Keep the language simple and avoid being vague about the harm you caused. Be as explicit as you can.

• – Explain what happened

Answer all their nagging questions. It will help provide some pieces together but also realize that sometimes the best excuse is not to have an excuse.

• – Show remorse

Indicate how much guilt and shame you have experienced since this incident.

• – Offer to make amends

Acknowledge the pain and hurt and promise to avoid engaging in this behavior, whether or not you remain married.

Do note that these steps are a long-drawn-out process and may take a long time to complete fully.

4. Getting Honest Is A Start

He might look to you for all the details; this is where you must come clean with him. You owe him that much.

Listen, I know it can’t be easy, but being honest will show him you still have character left despite the affair.

I am not saying he will run into your arms immediately and return to how things were, but at least he will remember who he once married.

5. Empathize With His Response

I know he left you. But try to understand why he did that. He is probably overwhelmed and shattered at the thought of you being with someone else.

Give him all the space he needs as he thinks of his next move.

I hate to be the bearer of further bad news here, but a woman cheating on a man sometimes feels worse than a man cheating on a woman. Why?

Because a man’s ego is tied to how he can provide for and protect his family, you are breaking his trust here.

6. Always Keep In Mind That It Will Take Time

Affairs are traumatic for both parties and what more if you have children? The American Psychological Association has some great tips on how to cope with traumatic stress.

It includes information on leaning on your loved ones to facing your feelings head on.

I left my husband because he cheated might be a possible thought going through your head if this were to happen to you but rest assured, things can be fixed even though it might seem insurmountable right now.

7. Avoid The Blame Game

You are not allowed to blame your indiscretions on him, regardless of the state of your marriage. This would be even more painful for him to hear. Be accountable for your actions.

8. It’s Never “Just Physical”

The affair you engaged in is symptomatic of something deeper going on in your relationship.

Perhaps, you felt inadequate and wanted to feel desired again. Perhaps the both of you were having intimacy issues.

The possibilities are endless, but you will need to examine why it happened to know how to prevent it from happening again.

 9. Go Down Memory Lane

Think of why you fell in love with your spouse. Sometimes, jogging up those old memories can be helpful as you navigate this profound experience.

Remember that pain is sometimes the best teacher.  Maybe this was how you are meant to realize that you have a good man, and he is worth fighting for.

10. Work On Yourself

Take this time that you are both separated to practice some self-care. You will only be able to work on your relationship once you work on what is bothering you in the first place and understand why this happened to your family.

11. Reach Out To God

Spoken to God lately? You don’t have to be religious, but you can always speak to him anytime you want help.

This can help relieve some of the stress and overwhelming feelings you are experiencing.

There are some sample prayers here to get you started!

12. Sign Up For Therapy

It would be great if he also agrees to therapy; if not, work on yourself.

Try to understand why this happened and what steps you can take to prevent this from happening in the future. Therapy can help uncover your inner wounds.

13. Accept That Things Won’t Be Easy

Even if reconciliation may happen, you must accept that things won’t be rosy. He might regress some days, and it may result in rage.

You may suddenly feel like the both of you are right back at the start with no progress made. But understand that it is a journey for him as it is for you.

14. Show Your Spouse How Much You Love And Value Him

My husband left me because I cheated and it may feel unbearable right now but hang on to hope!

Even if you are separated, you still get to show him how much you love and value him. Show respect whenever you communicate with him.

Give him undivided attention when he is speaking (even if it is in anger). Be consistent with your efforts.  Don’t lose hope even if doesn’t show any signs of returning to your marriage.

15. Pray For Him

Consider praying for his well-being and his needs. We often think of praying for ourselves but what about our partner?

Bless him with abundance and joy that will soon fill his heart. Do this without any expectation that he will return to you but instead focus the prayer on his happiness.

16. Respect His Wishes

If he tells you he never wants to hear from him, respect his wishes. He has every right to tell you that considering what you have put him through.

17. Love Isn’t Enough

We are promised the sky and the moon when we have the wedding of our dreams. But the truth is, love is never enough to sustain a marriage.

Your commitment and fidelity are. Understanding this will help you regain any relationship with your husband.

18. Acceptance That This May Spell The End

If all else fails, you must agree that this may mark the end of your union. I understand that you never intended this to happen, but perhaps this is what both of you need to move on.

Conclusion

So there you have it folks, some practical tips and strategies to help if you feel I cheated on my husband he left me.

Please remember to go easy on yourself and your spouse as this is such a delicate time in your relationship. Unfortunately, time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Having said that, you can use this painful experience to learn a few things about yourself and other people.

Who knows, it may just help heal your marriage or maybe it can help charter the course for your next relationship in the future.

Let me know in the comments below if any solutions have worked for you.

Or you may have other topics/ questions you’d like to see on the blog that could benefit the marriage community.

FAQ On I Cheated On My Husband And He Left Me

Will My Husband Take Me Back After I Cheated?

Not always. Unfortunately, most couples don’t recover when one cheats. Having said that, those that do emerge from the process can come out stronger but it will take time, effort and even external counselling to get to that place.

You would also need a solid foundation pre marriage to help jog those good memories.

Do Cheaters Hurt After Breakup?

Yes, most cheaters will feel guilt and stress when they do the unthinkable and break their marriage vows.

It all seems fun and dandy at the start of an affair but after that the excitement fizzles out and you are left feeling alone and miserable again especially after you have ended things with your partner.

Why Can’t Men Forgive A Cheating Woman?

This is because it affects their masculinity and ego and usually signals the end of the relationship.

This is in line with the research done by Phillip Hodson who is part of the British Psychotherapist association. This might seem unfair to women but it is indeed a reality in most parts of the world.

What Makes Cheaters Change?

Remorse from hurting their partners. Through this painful experience, they are taught to learn about themselves and what made them cheat in the first place.

They may get help from others so that they can understand what they did to their partners. After all, cheaters are human and we can change given time.

What Are 4 Reasons For Cheating?

Anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire and circumstance are actually 8 reasons to cheating as there are a wide variety of factors that can bring out some type of affair.

Regardless of these reasons, one can never justify cheating in a relationship.

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