Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating – 17 PROVEN Ways To Set It

Emotional boundaries in Christian dating is a highly searched topic on Google so you are not alone here.

I know it can be extremely confusing and overwhelming to date as a Christian as I struggled with the same issues.

There are also no clear resources to guide you. It might be hard for you to approach someone in Church or a family member to ask about this.

Well, don’t worry – I got your back.

I will provide you with what boundaries mean as well as ways to set these emotional boundaries which will set you up for success in life!

Let’s get straight to it and explore this topic deeper today.

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating: What Is It?

Well, it can range from practicing modesty in front of your partner to staying independent as an individual whilst being in a relationship.

Most couples get boundaries wrong because they are focused on asking the wrong questions.

If you are looking for a relationship to provide you with sexual intimacy and dependency, then no amount of boundary will be enough.

But, if you are looking for a relationship so that you can have a more meaningful, purposeful, and Christ-filled life, then establishing very clear boundaries is extremely important.

Let’s talk further about emotional boundaries in dating as it not often talked about but are very crucial in determining whether you “break” the physical boundary.

Why Are Emotional Boundaries Important?

Setting these early means respecting your thoughts/ beliefs as well as your partners. It is so you don’t sacrifice your well-being for the comfort of another person.

If you do not have any boundaries, how can you ever build trust in your relationship?

This then might lead to resentment and bitterness as you are not able to fully be yourself in this relationship.

How To Set Up Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating:

Step 1:  Be as clear and specific in your speech. Do not raise your voice when trying to make a point

Step 2:  State your request as to what you wish to happen rather than what you wish won’t happen

Step 3: Accept the wave of emotions that come when you try to assert your boundaries. Examples are remorse, guilt, or shame.

17 Ways To Set Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating

1. Determine What Your Boundaries Look Like

The Bible doesn’t state what your emotional or physical boundaries should be like other than the infamous abstinence before marriage.

So what about heavy petty and kissing?

You need to sit with yourself and determine what it is.

2. Don’t Be Desperate

What happens when you operate out of lack?

You feel like you need to settle down early and make every relationship count. Even the unhealthy ones.  That is not good for you.

Avoid being in a relationship out of desperation.

If you are, I promise you, you will find yourself making excuses for why you and your partner are constantly ‘breaking’ emotional boundaries.

Develop your self-worth and satisfaction from spending time with God.

Quick Ways To Develop Self Worth:

– list out things you enjoy about yourself

– stop trying to please others

– step outside your comfort zone

– avoid comparing with others

– forgive yourself for the past

– celebrate your wins however small

– remove negative people

– exercise your body and mind

– feed your body nutritious food

3. Establish Your Value

You are not just anybody.

You are truly a Child of God and He wants the best for you and your life.

Learn to prioritize yourself in the relationship by keeping your head high and maintaining some level of respect for yourself.

How do you do this?

By practicing self-care.

Treat yourself as someone worth caring for.

Just imagine if you had to take care of someone else, what advice would you give them? What food will you nourish them with? Only the best – I would think.

So, do the same for yourself. Treat yourself well and this will have a great impact on boundary setting.

4. Talk About Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating Early

Not being intentional with the boundaries you wish to have in your relationship only sets both of you up for failure.

Don’t skirt around the issue and address it as soon as you develop mutual feelings for each other.

Some Examples Are Listed Below:

-“ I want you to respect time with my friends”

– “I do not want to talk about my past childhood trauma until I feel ready”

– “I think we should only see each other x number of times a week so that we can also make time for other things that are important”

– “I cannot tolerate my partner lying to me”

5. Stay Emotionally Independent First

For example, take it slow when you start.

There is no rush for the both of you when you first date.

My husband and I dated very casually for over a year before even becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

6. Avoid Sexual Boundaries

When you are young and virile, it is easy to start thinking of your body’s needs rather than practicing abstinence.

But once you cross sexual boundaries, it will surely spill over to emotional boundaries. This is why it is so important to address intimacy in Christian dating early on.

Waiting for marriage is still a highly taboo topic but it has so many benefits as it is designed to protect you and your boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Here are two scriptures on boundaries in relationships:

1 Corinthians 6:18 

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Leviticus 18:22

You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.

But I promise you that you will never regret protecting your boundaries by following what God has set out in the Bible.

7. Move Slow

When you first begin your courtship, you are excited about the future and all the planning that comes with it.

But the truth is, if you are looking for a long-term relationship (especially one that walks with God), you need to take things slow.

What is the time, when you have your whole life together?

Take the time to get to know each other and only open up once you both feel comfortable.

For some people, it might take up to 6 months or a year before introducing them to their families.

For others, it might be a month before they share an intimate detail about themself.

Part of boundary setting is deciding what you want/do not want to share with the other party without any coercion.

Because you now take the time to get to know each other, you work on building a friendship that is strong and will come in handy in your future marriage one day.

8. Have Fun Getting To Know Each Other

The courtship stage is extremely fun as you get to enjoy it without the responsibilities of chores and child minding.

You truly get to be free at this stage of your life.

So, make good use of the time and get to know each other by doing exciting things. 

We don’t realize that seeing our partner at a hobby/ activity is very different from how they are with us on a dinner date.

You want to see whether this person is a sore loser or a graceful one.

How do they participate in team sports/ activities?

Are they eager to get everyone to play or are they more competitive? These are important markers for you to decide if this is the person you want to marry.

The other aspect of focusing on fun dates is ensuring you don’t spend time crossing Christian dating boundaries as you have your mind occupied with other matters.

9. Maintain Your Friendships

Your other half should never be your all especially if you are in the dating stage. Maintain your independence and your friendships outside the relationship.

It is important to keep the sense of who you are not lose it.

Placing too much reliance on your boyfriend/ girlfriend doesn’t allow you to be very objective when it comes to making decisions for the betterment of the relationship.

Also, being overly dependent on the other person may create some resentment on their end as they always have to be worried/ care for you.

Be forewarned that an abusive partner can also use this against you.

Always remember who you were before you met this person. You never needed anyone else but God to go through life so keep that distance sacred.

Helpful Tips To Keep Friendships While Being In A Relationship

• – Be Mindful When Out With Friends (avoid texting your partner and respect your friend that is in front of you by giving them your full attention)
• – Have A Discussion With Your Partner (determine days/ dates that you will be going out with your friends to be respectful to all parties)
• – Scale Back On Public Displays Of Affection (this is a huge turnoff for your friends who just want to enjoy being with you)
• – Be Responsive (just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to stop replying to texts/ emails from your friends)
• – Be Open To Feedback (if your friend shares that they have noticed you have been distant with them then learn to receive feedback gracefully and work on it improving)

10. Recognize That The Person You Are Dating Is Also A Gift From God

It is easy to sexualize our partners.

But, when you realize that who you are seeing is made in the image of the Lord, you begin to respect that person and value them dearly. 

Setting up emotional boundaries for both sides can help you maintain a good and everlasting relationship.

11. Get A Mentor From Church

Couples who have a long-term goal of getting married should engage with a relationship mentor/ counselor from the Church.

This person can help you navigate the many intricacies of Christian dating. They can also provide Biblical wisdom and foresight to help guide your journey.

Consider seeking help early on so that you can have a more fruitful journey with your partner.

12. Date For Marriage

Christians date with a bigger purpose in mind.

Marriage.  It helps to be honest with yourself if you see this person being a good wife/ husband and then becoming a great mother or father.

If not, time to have that challenging discussion and call it quits.

Time and your heart are truly precious things we can’t ever have back. Be very intentional with who you give it to.

Also, take note that the longer you are in a relationship that doesn’t serve the Lord, the harder it will be to come out of it in the future.

And you never want to just settle for a partner because you have to.

13. Pray Together

What do you envision for this relationship? What do you need from God to help further bless this union?

Lean on God – together.

Instead of spending more date nights talking about mundane things or gossip, spend some time worshiping the man above and see how he transforms your relationship.

14. Do Regular Check-Ins With Each Other

Good that you have set emotional boundaries but do you do regular check-ins?

Ask your partner how they feel about what was set. Could a boundary now be revised or may be removed completely (with good reason)?

You must communicate your thoughts about it so that you are both on the same page and are working towards a happy and healthy relationship.

15. Failure Is Never Final

What happens if the boundary has been crossed? Well, it’s okay.

Work on figuring out why it happened and what you both can do next time to ensure this doesn’t happen. Surely, the boundary was there for a reason.

What not to do is to think – ah, I may as well cross the boundaries since I didn’t follow this one. Bad idea. Things will escalate for the worst.

Give yourself some empathy that you are only human and we are prone to making mistakes. But also know that we can rise about our mistakes promptly each time.

16. Keep Each Other Accountable

Use dating as an opportunity to keep each other accountable to your faith and God.

17. Speak To Someone When You Do Not Feel At Ease

If the other party fails to respect your boundaries, please do not hesitate to end the relationship and inform someone about it.

Depending on the severity of the situation, it could range from informing your loved ones, Church elders, or local police that can help you with this situation.

Do not for once blame yourself for anything that may have happened.

I am including the National Sexual  Violence Resource Center for you to also get the help you need.

Conclusion

Emotional boundaries in Christian dating are all about mutual respect.

 If this is missing, be prepared to walk away as dating is a period for you to both see if the relationship can be meaningful to God.

Know that compromising your value system and beliefs is not the way to start a healthy marriage in the future.

So, as much as you may try to fix the other person in the hopes of salvaging the relationship – know that only you can take care of yourself.

The person is completely responsible for his/ her own choices.

Do let me know in the comments if any of these emotional boundaries resonate with you!

Frequently Asked Questions On Emotional Boundaries In Christian Dating

What Does The Bible Say About Dating And Boundaries?

God’s one massive boundary will rest on recognizing and appreciating setting good boundaries in dating.

1 Corinthians 7:2 states that each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband and this is a clear message from the Bible to adhere to monogamy.

Marital intimacy is also deemed to be holy.

What Boundaries Should Christians Have When Dating?

Boundaries around your promises and words are important when Christians date.

Saying “I love you” too soon is an indicator that the person is not able to handle their emotions.

The Bible is clear that all sexual experiences are to be reserved for marriage and it is important to maintain physical boundaries when in courtships.

Is It A Sin To Cuddle Before Marriage?

No, it’s unwise but it’s not sinful to cuddle before marriage.

The challenge is that human beings are wired to desire physical intimacy and cuddling may trigger that desire.

As a committed Christian, you never want to put yourself in a position to disobey the Bible and that will incur God’s wrath.

How Long Should You Date Before Kissing?

Within the first 3 dates, you can expect a romantic kiss although for some, kissing on the first date after a good time is deemed normal.

Romantic sparks do not have a specific timeline.

There is no hard and fast rule and you should remain respectful of the other person’s boundaries and belief systems.

What Is An Emotional Boundary In A Relationship?

Emotional boundaries are limits you place on your emotions and energy you give and receive in a relationship.

It can apply to romantic relationships, work or even platonic friendships.

Boundaries are there to protect you and the other person so both are clear on the respectful limits of the relationship.

Related Posts

• How God Leads You To Your Spouse – 19 Ways
• My Boyfriend Thinks I Don’t Love Him – 17 Reasons & 20 Solutions
• My Boyfriend Expects Me To Pay For Everything – 18 Solutions
• My Girlfriend Keeps Talking About Her Ex – 17 Reasons & 10 Tips
• Girlfriend Texting Other Guys – 15 Reasons & 12 Steps
• Why Does My Girlfriend Ignore Me – 25 Reasons & 15 Tips
• My Girlfriend Is Talking To Another Guy Behind My Back– 10 Reasons