Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage –A POWERFUL Read (2024)

Are you currently experiencing emotional abuse in your Christian marriage?

Have you started to question whether it is just normal angry outbursts or signs of abuse by your significant other?

It personally pains me that you had to Google this topic as it is something no one should have to experience in their marriage.

What more than a Christian marriage that is supposed to be biblical and holy?

Well, look no further as I will share with you what emotional abuse entails as well as how to get the help you truly need.

Of course, it is a highly taboo subject within the Christian community and no one wants to address it.

But the reality is, that it is either happening to you or someone close to you. Let’s get into how this issue can destroy both individuals and families when not addressed.

Mind you, the information provided here does not replace actual therapy/ help from the local authorities (police/ social workers).

Let’s get into this painful but very serious issue in marriages today.

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage – What Does It Mean

Abuse comes in many forms and so many of us are used to learning about physical abuse that we often disregard emotional abuse.

While wounds from physical abuse can heal your body, words uttered that are so painful are sometimes hard to get over.

Emotional abuse is defined as follows:

Using emotions to criticize, embarrass, and belittle another person to make them feel less of a person.

Why Does Emotional Abuse in Christian Marriage Happen?

Abusers are always seeking ways to control another person.

When I repeatedly tell you,” You are not good enough”, you will lose all sense of your self-worth and place solely on me to be your provider.

Abusers like this form of manipulation as they are usually selfish in nature.

How To Recognize Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage?

Out of all the abuses, emotional abuse is very hard to detect. There is no physical scar. Which often normalizes this behavior in marriages.

But the truth is, God did not set out for anyone to make another person feel unworthy. As he made us all beautiful in His image.

The victim often feels trapped/embarrassed with no end in sight because the abuser has meticulously isolated the person from their friends and family.

Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage: What Does It Sound Like?

• – “You sound so stupid saying that”
• – “Not sure if there is anything to like about you”
• – “Get over it. You are being melodramatic”
• – “Don’t get too close to your friends. Only I know what is best for you”
• – “You like to instigate problems in our relationship”
• – “Our children are poorly behaved because of you”
• – “I don’t like your parents. You shouldn’t visit them at all”
• – “You are never going to be the wife/ husband I need”
• – “You are just imagining things. I didn’t say that”

Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage

• – Having unrealistic expectations and demands of you
• – Controls your whereabouts
• – Belittles you either in public/in front of the children/ alone
• – Not allowing you to have your opinions/ thoughts
• – Monitoring your text messages/ calls to family and friends
• – Isolating you from friends and family
• – Convince you into thinking that this is not abused when you try to bring it up
• – Using emotional blackmail to make you feel bad
• – Controls finances so you are fully reliant on your spouse
• – Withholding affection or attention

You may take this emotional abuse quiz to further to gain further clarity.

How Is Emotional Abuse Different From The Occasional Outbursts Of Anger?

I get it, marriage is hard and there will be many times when each spouse will take turns getting angry and even succumb to using abusive words to each other.

But if this pattern consistently continues, you know you have a problem at hand.

Golden rule: In your marriage, your husband/ wife should never make you feel anything less than equal.

Survival And Recovery

Research has shown that emotional abuse has the same impact if not worse than physical abuse.

Feelings of worthlessness or self-doubt can make one spiral into depression.

You may start to believe the words of your abuser which is why you end up staying with them, akin to suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

7 Tips For Recovery

1) Consider Making Yourself A Priority

Sounds easier said than done but you need to take care of yourself. It’s going to be easier to handle the situation at the start of the abuse, not mid-way, and not at the end.

Do what you can as self-care to handle the day-to-day stress of dealing with emotional abuse.

2) Establish Boundaries

The abuser will not like this tip but you will need to establish strong boundaries with them so that you don’t fall prey to their abuse.

You need to try to stand up for yourself by telling them to stop being condescending, rude, and critical of you.

Abusers are usually taken aback when victims hold their ground.

3) It’s Not Me, It’s Them

Do not blame yourself for being in this situation. It happens even when the abuser is the most strait-laced Christian man/ woman.

Remember, it is a choice to abuse your spouse.

It’s on them to take ownership and accountability for their actions. You just need to focus on healing.

4) Avoid Confrontations

Try not to engage with the abuser. It is very hard when you share a marital home with him/ her. When the abuser begins to insult you or shout at you, try to walk away from the situation as much as you can.

No matter how hard you try to change them by giving them chances, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THEM.

5) Build A Support System

Part of the abuse includes isolating you from your loved ones. Do not fall prey to this. Try to reach out to loved ones and let them know what is happening.

Even better, ask them to help you document the abuse. As a victim, you have too many emotions or cases of abuse to think about or write about.

But as your loved ones who care for your well-being, get them to detail the date, time, and what was said when the emotional abuse was happening.

This may come in handy during a divorce/ custody battle/ criminal case.

Permit them to contact local authorities (police etc) if things get out of hand.

There have been multiple pieces of evidence and research that emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse and that can prove very deadly to you and your children.

6) Create An Exit Plan

If your partner doesn’t want to get the help necessary to change his/ her ways, I would urge you to get out of this relationship.

Not only is it damaging to you but it also has an extremely negative impact on your children in the long run.

Yes, I understand living by your marital vows to death do us part. But God will never want you to go through such a painful experience.

He treats you very kindly as you are deserving and worthy in His eyes. So please look at yourself as such as well.

7) Lean On God

I know you are desperately trying to figure out how to resolve conflict in marriage biblically.

You may lose faith during this turbulent and difficult journey. But rest in the Lord and know that He is going to bring you out of this challenge.

Pray daily for comfort and solace as sometimes that can give you the strength needed to get help/ walk away from this terrible situation.

Also, as tough as it may be, recite a simple prayer for abusive husband or wife. Say it during your quiet time with God.

Lord, please help me heal my marriage. It has been a challenging journey to walk through. Open my spouse’s heart to understanding how much this hurts me and our children.

My heart is in so much pain and I am not sure if I can go through another day in this marriage. But I believe in your healing power and know that you can restore my marriage to what it once was. So that my significant other and I can continue to worship You.

Surround my spouse and me with the resources needed to improve my marriage. I believe in your miraculous powers and trust in your timing always.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

What Does The Bible Say About Emotional Abuse?

“Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18) and “Who can bear a crushed spirit?” (Proverbs 18:14). 

The impact of emotional abuse is just as bad according to the Bible.

While Christians do not condone divorce, neither does it encourage you to stay with an abusive partner as it not only hurts you (the victim).

But also your loved ones and can potentially create generational trauma.

There are many cases where marriages are healed and restored after the abuser seeks help and promises to change on their own accord.

But it shouldn’t be up to you to ensure this happens.

Finally

There is hope for those who suffer from emotional abuse in Christian marriages provided the right remedial actions are taken promptly.

But if they are not, this will be a silent killer for Christian marriages around the world.

The solution that is often the most practical for the victim is to separate temporarily or remove themselves from the situation.

This can allow for godly counsel/ therapy for the abuser so that spiritual reconciliation can happen.

Regardless of the decision the abuser makes, the victim should instead spend time focusing on healing themselves through self-care activities and prayer.

Disclaimer:

If emotional abuse escalates, please note that we do not encourage or advocate for anyone to stay put in an abusive situation.

Abuse can be physical or emotional and either one should not be tolerated by anyone.

Please seek help with the various marriage resources available or contact your local police if this is something you and your family need to stay safe.

Never compromise your safety.

Frequently Asked Questions On Emotional Abuse In Christian Marriage

How Does The Bible Define Emotional Abuse?

Demeaning, disrespecting a person’s worth or feelings, or belittling is considered emotional abuse.

Ephesians 5:33 instructs husbands to adore and love their wives while 1 Peter 3:7 encourages husbands to show understanding and honor their wives throughout their marriage.

Basically, the Bible reminds followers to be respectful to their spouses as honoring God.

Does God Want You To Stay In An Unhappy Marriage?

No, his will for you is to stay married unless there is unrepentant infidelity or abuse ongoing.

You have to constantly renew your commitment to your spouse even if you are unhappy as feelings come and go but commitment is for the long haul. Marriage is designed to provide structure for communities to thrive.

What Does The Bible Say About Narcissistic Abuse?

The book of Proverbs addresses narcissistic abuse as foolishness.

It is considered the one of the epitomes of sin as individuals choose to be their own gods, seeking self worship and control.

A narcissist often makes his own rules and disregards the harm it may cause others around him and most people may shy away.

What Is Quiet Quitting A Marriage?

Without feeling jealous over who they spend it with or about how their partner spends their day.

As long as one party has their plans in place, the other spouse could care less about theirs.

They don’t even bother arguing with you because they see no potential to improving the situation, a sign of indifference.

What Does God Say About A Bad Wife?

A bad wife will make her husband depressed and gloomy, and break his heart. A timid man who can never make up his mind is a sign that he is unhappy with his wife.

These concepts apply even to a bad husband if he is bitter, unresentful and disrespectful his woman throughout his marriage.

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