Do you want to know more about Christian infidelity? I bet you are thinking you wished you didn’t have to Google something so painful and challenging in your marriage till now.
Fret not, I am here to share with you why affairs are a sin in the eyes of God, understand why even happy people cheat as well as how to handle such a difficult situation that has left you feeling so much anxiety and anguish.
After scouring the Internet for information and gleaning from experiences around me, I will share with you the exact steps you can use to overcome the pain of infidelity.
Who knows you may even reach a stage of wanting to renew vows after infidelity long after you work on rebuilding your marriage?
So, let’s read on!
Disclaimer:
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- Christian Infidelity: Is It A Sin?
- Christian Infidelity: Type Of Affairs
- Why Do Happy People Cheat?
- Christian Infidelity: Dealing With It
- How Do Christians Get Over Their Husbands/ Wives Cheating?
- Christian Infidelity: What To Do (8 Tips)
- Conclusion
- Frequently Asked Questions On Christian Infidelity
- How Does A Christian Deal With Infidelity?
- Should A Christian Forgive A Cheating Spouse?
- Is Cheating Forgivable In The Bible?
- Is Kissing Considered Adultery?
- Who Committed Adultery In The Bible?
Christian Infidelity: Is It A Sin?
We’d like to think that being Christian absolves us of committing sins like being unfaithful to our partners.
But the truth is, we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with images and movies glorifying affairs.
Did you know over 70% of users on Ashley Madison (a website renowned for married spouses to cheat) identify themselves as Christian?
Infidelity is the act of cheating on your significant other.
The bible explicitly says in Matthew 5:27 – 28 “You shall not commit adultery”. It even says that lusting after another person outside your marriage is grounds for sin.
Christian Infidelity: Type Of Affairs
When we think of being unfaithful, we often think of a physical affair. What about an emotional affair?
Anytime a spouse devotes time, energy, or attention to someone else outside their marriage, it is considered cheating.
Cyber affairs have also increased at a stellar rate as the internet becomes so readily available on our phones.
Sending nude pictures or scrolling through pornography can be a source of anguish for the other party.
All these affairs indicate something is not working in your marriage.
Why Do Happy People Cheat?
According to an Oprah episode filmed in the early 2010s, men who had affairs (some more than one) admitted they were in happy and satisfying marriages.
But what made them cheat was the desire and attraction that used to be there in the initial stages of courtship.
The other person they cheated with reminded them that they were desired and attractive.
More often than not, people cheat because of how the other man/ woman makes them feel.
Christian Infidelity: Dealing With It
You did it – now what? Well, we are only human.
That is not to say that I am condoning any infidelity act but I believe there is recovery after an affair, even if the road is long and painful.
We know all too well the sacred and holy bond of matrimony despite committing the very act of a Christian affair.
Questions start to loom about how to confess to your partner, should your children be informed, and ultimately whether you want to seek a divorce.
Rather than focus the attention on divorce – how about you reframe it as do I want to rebuild and restore our relationship now? The answer can be surprisingly insightful.
Whether or not your spouse forgives you, you need to spend more time with God and seek repentance.
Although a lot of people distance themselves from Him once they have committed adultery, you should not.
Reconciliation with God helps you heal the brokenness you felt when you decided to have an affair.
How Do Christians Get Over Their Husbands/ Wives Cheating?
Being cheated on is heartbreaking. Bitterness and resentment will be a norm for a while as you navigate these new feelings.
You may even start to have sleepless nights as you replay the incident in your mind over and over again.
Thoughts might even start to harass your partner for every single sordid detail, thinking it will help you heal but realistically, it pushes you more into darkness.
Take the time to grieve and process your emotions alone. After all, you can only take care of yourself before thinking of someone else.
There will be a huge number of questions and challenges that you may need to work through before deciding on your next course of action – with or without your spouse.
Christian Infidelity: What To Do (8 Tips)
You have to decide to embark on this new journey of forgiveness together.
Even the person who committed Christian infidelity has to learn to forgive him/ herself before joining you.
Here are some steps that can help you navigate this painful process:
1) Seek Forgiveness
We expect forgiveness to be one and done with just uttering “I’m sorry”. Truthfully, it is a long-term process that could take years.
It might be three steps forward, and five steps back for both you and your partner.
Also, during this stressful period, offer up a lot of space to your significant other who is hurting.
2) Be Truthful
Honesty is going to be a very important element as you regain the trust of your partner.
At this point, your partner is reeling from the hurt and may be suspicious of every single movement you make.
How do you address this?
By offering up more information that they require for them to rebuild the trust they once had in you.
For example, you may need to let them know of your whereabouts more often than you used to.
You may even share with them sordid details of the Christian infidelity if that helps them process the affair.
It might seem counterintuitive to do so but this may be the healing your partner needs to hear.
3) Examine What Went Wrong
Affairs that happen are usually a sign something is not working in a marriage.
Perhaps it is years of resentment and bitterness built up.
Or maybe it is just two people who started to live like roommates and the sense of attraction to one another is gone.
It is important to take stock of this so that infidelity doesn’t recur.
4) Strengthen What Is Right In The Marriage
What do you want to keep moving forward? Spend some quality time going over what worked well in your marriage.
Perhaps it was you cooking up a Sunday feast for the whole family to enjoy.
Or maybe it is your husband making you that cup of coffee without you even asking every morning.
That surely shows he is thinking of your needs even if you don’t have to utter a single word.
5) Create New Relationship Rituals
Relationship rituals are unique to you and your spouse.
Instead of ordering take-out every Friday and having cold pizza in front of the television, why don’t you get a babysitter to watch the kids as you dress up and go out for a nice dinner?
If that is too much, maybe you can take a 5-minute walk to the local shop and order a nice latte that the both of you can enjoy.
Avoid following rituals that other couples but instead try to pick one that you both agree and look forward to as it is unique to your relationship.
6) Seek Out Christian Counseling
Why Christian counseling and not just any therapy?
Well, you want a session that is grounded in faith.
There will be times when logic goes out the door especially when you are struggling with accepting the past Christian infidelity.
But true forgiveness and reconciliation can only be found in the Bible. After all, we are called to forgive others just as how God forgives us.
Gleaning on your faith provides an ethical framework that will be a strong foundation for your marriage to move forward.
7) Pray Together
When all else fails, leave your troubles with Jesus.
He knows what goes on in our hearts even before we do. Try to commit to praying daily with your spouse.
The act itself will bring you closer to your family.
You can start by taking turns to bless your partner, which is a form of loving your partner.
Some days could be the both of you praying silently together.
On other days it could be you praying out aloud or even including your children during this holy time.
You may want to also look into specific devotions for couples after infidelity either through your pastor or online.
8) Knowing When To Quit
While I advocate for you to continuously work on your marriage despite the betrayal, there are times when you will need to call it quits.
This is for the sake of your mental health and physical well-being.
Signs You Should Pull The Plug
– when counseling no longer works
– he/ she refuses to quit the affair
– they do not want to stay married
Conclusion
When adultery happens, it can either be destructive or serve as an opportunity for you both to have conversations that ought to have happened earlier.
You may feel at the end of your rope sometimes when dealing with the repercussions of Christian infidelity.
But, believe it or not, your life and marriage can be 1000 times better and stronger than what it was before. Provided you do the work WITH your spouse.
Thousands of marriages have been transformed through the help of Christian counsellors as they want you to rebuild and restore your marriage.
So, reach for one out today and begin to witness the transformation in both your lives. Consider getting help!
Frequently Asked Questions On Christian Infidelity
How Does A Christian Deal With Infidelity?
Forgiving one another, be kind to each other, tenderhearted just as how God has forgiven you though his son, Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 4: 31 – 32 further states to get rid of all the bitterness, rage, slander and harsh words which are deemed to be the different types of evil behavior towards another.
Should A Christian Forgive A Cheating Spouse?
Yes, so that we can be forgiven so we must always forgive everyone who offends us.
Having said that, God also tells us to tread carefully if our partner were to repeatedly put us in harms way by cheating on us without fear or fervor.
Both parties need to respect the commitment of marriage.
Is Cheating Forgivable In The Bible?
Yes, cheating is forgivable according to the Bible. But forgiveness doesn’t mean you give a license to your partner to allow the cheating to continue.
Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, and forgive each other just as how Jesus Christ forgave all of us with the hope we sin no more.
Is Kissing Considered Adultery?
No, legally, adultery only covers sexual intercourse and other related behaviors such as kissing, webcam or emotional adultery.
This makes adultery very hard to prove in courts if your spouse will not admit to it.
Unreasonable behavior is cited as the main reason for divorce and adultery can be considered one of it.
Who Committed Adultery In The Bible?
King David committed adultery with Bathsheba who then fell pregnant with his child.
When he found this out, he tried to arrange for Uriah, her husband to be killed in battle so that he can cover up his sin.
After Uriah’s death, God sent a prophet to David to confront him of his wicked deeds.
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