Intimacy Counseling – Your Ultimate Guide (2024)

Intimacy counseling sounds like a big buzzword.

I assure you, it’s not!

I know you can feel overwhelmed by what this might mean and how to go about it as you wish to tackle this in your marriage.

You also feel somewhat embarrassed to talk about this with your friends. So you don’t even know where to start to get the right resources.

Don’t worry, I have your back by sharing with you the different types of intimacy styles, and problems in intimacy as well as sharing with you ways to restore intimacy today.

Sounds interesting? You bet!

Now, let’s get to it!

Disclaimer:

Some of the links on here are affiliate links and I may earn if you click on them, AT NO EXTRA cost to you. Hope you find the information here useful! Thanks.

What Are The 4 Types Of Intimacy Styles?

–       Experiential Intimacy

This intimacy refers to the experience a couple enjoys actively together. Shared interests like hiking or playing tennis can reveal a lot about your partner.

As you journey with them through the activity, you tend to see whether they can be great winners or not-so-willing losers.

Having mutual interests that you explore together encourages you and your partner to build trust and communication skills.

You can then begin to rely on your partner in other parts of your life as well.

–       Intellectual Intimacy

Cognitive intimacy is where two people enjoy sharing thoughts and discussing the bigger issues.

Topics like politics, the economy, or civil unrest positively stimulate both of you.

Couples found to have a higher intellectual intimacy are said to be happier as they value the same things in life.

Now, it doesn’t mean you have to share the same principles in life, but it is more of you prioritizing listening to the other person’s thoughts.

–       Emotional Intimacy

Empathy is a key part of emotional intimacy. You are allowing the other person to share their most inner secrets and desires whilst not placing any judgment on them.

It’s not the easiest to do especially when you have a mountain of chores. Or screaming kids running around the house.

However, having empathy for your significant other builds the foundation for sexual intimacy.

–       Sexual Intimacy

This intimacy refers to physical closeness and it is extremely special as you lay your bare bodies down to experience the pleasure God has designed for you.

But it is to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage.

This 2020 study states that physical touch can help build bonds and reduce our perceptions of how lonely we may feel.

It is such a momentous occasion every time you have sexual intimacy with your partner.

As it is an act that separates you from all the other relationships in your life.

Also, the possibility of a beautiful baby being born from this loving act is a true testament to God’s glory.

So, Why Are We Afraid Of Intimacy?

While intimacy feels great to some, it scares some people as it brings up their most vulnerable sides.

One party could have been exposed to childhood trauma or abuse by a partner. This can cause one partner or both to be distant or avoidant of one another.

Another aspect to consider is also religious beliefs. The Bible teaches us to refrain from engaging in sexual intimacy as it is reserved for a husband and his wife.

Well, you try to follow that principle to the best of your ability.

But, you find yourself extremely awkward with your partner during your honeymoon night and many nights thereafter.

This can lead to a lot of discomfort emotionally and physically for both parties.

This is where intimacy counseling can help assist both you and your partner.

Intimacy Counseling: 5 Common Problems From Intimacy Issues

–       Poor Communication

To trust someone, you need to be able to communicate well with another person. Some elements of good communication include transparency and honesty.

One party may be more communicative whilst the other shuts off. They may require more time to open up.

The other person then needs to learn to be more mindful.

Not to mention giving an adequate amount of space to the other person to process information or things at hand.

–       Mental Illness

Currently, a lot of people suffer from issues of depression and anxiety. Mental health conditions don’t just affect how you view the world.

But you think that is also how your partner may view you.

They can serve as ‘stressors’ within a relationship and these can easily escalate small issues into full-blown problems.

For example, a highly anxious person may lash out at others when they are having a bad day at work.

This then turns the other partner off and can lead to poor intimacy issues. 

–       Resentment 

Arguments and disagreements are normal in every long-term relationship.

What if the resentment builds on as the days go by?

Consider if negative feelings like anger are affecting your intimacy with your significant other.

If so, you will want to identify the root cause and address that as soon as possible. Intimacy counseling will allow for a neutral avenue for both to discuss these matters.

–       Children

Yes, children are born out of the intimate act between you and your partner. Magical as it may be, it can also be a source of frustration.

The sleepless nights, endless chores, and ensuring that they are fed can be extremely exhausting for both parents.

With so little time left in the day, caregivers usually do not prioritize intimacy.

This can be hard to build upon when the kids are growing up one day. Suddenly you may feel that you have been living with a stranger all this time.

–       Work

While having a fulfilling job can make one happy, it can also bleed into your personal life.

For some, the hours don’t end long after you leave your workplace. For some, it requires frequent traveling away from your partner.

Remember that constantly talking about your work to your spouse can turn off any intimacy they have for you.

Intimacy Counseling: 5 Ways To Restore Intimacy Today

1. Communicate Better

Talk – not just about your problems but about your daily life. Have you asked your partner how did their day go recently? Or what they found to be most interesting?

You need to remember conversations matter.

And it’s going to be easier to talk about the hard stuff. Provided you continuously practice open and honest communication with them regularly.

Helpful Tips To Communicate Effectively:

• – Understand and process your feelings first
• – Start with ‘I’ statements to avoid accusing your partner
• – Focus on empathy and understanding for the other person
• – Make it a goal for both parties to win the discussion

2. Resolve Conflict

Work on resolving conflict fast and efficiently. If you do not find a solution fast, it can result in long-term resentment and bitterness.

And this definitely won’t help with intimacy.

You need to be accountable and also understand your conflict style. I love this quiz as it helped me understand myself better.

What Are Common Types Of Conflicts In Relationships That Can Spillover To The Bedroom?

• – Financial disagreements (spender vs saver)
• – Parenting disagreements on how you raise your children
• – Division of household labor
• – Intimacy (how much sex per week, how many date nights per month)

3. Do Things Together

Do you remember dating your partner back in the day? You were probably so excited to go out with them!

Today, things like the never-ending pile of laundry and bills come into play.

It’s nevertheless important to keep the spark alive within your marriage. So, start being intentional with your time.

While a fancy date is pleasant, it’s not always idealistic. Even cuddling on the couch over a cup of hot chocolate once you put the kids to bed is enough for most days.

I use these 25 Conversation Starters with my husband as it helps to generate meaningful conversations during those moments.

4. Sign Up For Intimacy Counseling

A lot of people assume counselors only come in when you are having problems.

But the truth is, counselors can serve as mediators to allow both parties to have a neutral and safe space to communicate, even during the good times.

Not sure where to look?

There are top-rated sex therapists and couples therapists that can cover most locations. If not, they also offer teletherapy!

5. Gain Intimacy In Prayer

Still looking for information on intimacy counseling? Have you considered God?

We often don’t consider intimacy to go hand in hand with prayer. But praying together actually intensifies and strengthens your bond.

Why?

Because God wants to be present in your relationship to make it stronger. What better way than to include Him during your prayer sessions?

Click here if you are looking for an example to get started.

What To Expect During An Intimacy Counseling Session?

During a session, you can expect to talk to your counselor about issues relating to sex and intimacy. The topics can range from:

• – sexual dysfunctions
• – trust and respect
• – infidelity issues
• – problems that inhibit mutual pleasure
• – premature ejaculation
• – sexual trauma (sexual assault, child abuse, etc.)
• – sexless marriages
• – how to navigate desire in the bedroom
• – other forms of intimacy
• – why you and your partner may not be attracted to each other

What To Ask An Intimacy Counselor Before Hiring Them

Take into account the following considerations:

• – methods used during the session
• – rates for counseling
• – experience with the particular problem at hand
• – whether long-term packages are available
• – when to expect results

Online reviews on the said counselor certainly carry weight.

But know that picking up the phone/ emailing them to ask these pertinent questions.

This will help you get a better gauge as to whether they are best suited for you and your specific issue.

How Much Does It Cost?

The cost will depend on the gravity of the issue and the length of time required.

For example, cases that involve childhood trauma may take a longer time and require a different skill set.

Some counselors may suggest a boot camp-style workshop that is over 2 – 3 days. This serves as a more comprehensive intimacy workshop for couples.

You can expect to spend at least $150 – $500 per session. Bear in mind that if you are expecting to pay less than that, you may compromise on quality.

However, there are also ways around it such as installment plans. Or a long-term package that can offer you a more reasonable deal to help you solve your problem.

Final Thoughts

Intimacy counseling is such a powerful mechanism for both partners to stay drawn to each other.

It can help you move towards more important moments of discovery in a relationship.

If you and your spouse continue to have problems connecting and being close to each other, it will only be human for either party to start missing it.

Then you begin to look outside for that desire to be fulfilled.

This is why it is a therapeutic process that can also be healing for both couples if handled the correct way. 

So this is me, wishing you the very best of luck as you raise the intimacy bar with your partner!

Frequently Asked Questions On Intimacy Counselling

What Does Intimacy Mean In Counselling?

Sharing of care, affection, tenderness, and being vulnerable with each other is intimacy within the counselling realm.

There is a sense that counselling provides a safe space for non-abusive and non-manipulative conversations.

This can help to foster mutual respect and trust in each other in a neutral setting.

Can Therapy Help With Intimacy Issues?

Yes, counselling for intimacy issues can work wonders for couples.

Therapy itself is a very private session and it allows a space to reconnect and work on wounds within the relationship.

It can also work to jumpstart a relationship when you feel at a loss of where to even begin in your marriage.

What Are The 4 Levels Of Intimacy?

Physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy are the 4 levels of intimacy which you will need to work on to build a strong relationship.

Each one has equal importance and cannot be neglected instead of the other. Fundamentally, intimacy requires both parties to trust, be vulnerable, and open in their relationship.

What Is The Root Of Intimacy Issues?

Low self esteem, past experiences of physical abuse, and trust issues are some of the root causes of intimacy issues.

People with avoidant attachment styles also tend to avoid physical intimacy as a coping mechanism because they fear being close to someone.

Some might also fear being engulfed by a romantic relationship.

Is Kissing Physical Intimacy?

Yes, physical intimacy include kissing, holding hands, caressing, sexual activity, and being inside someone’s personal space.

Physical touch can go a long way in communicating our needs and desires more than speech can ever do.

It also has a high correlation with satisfaction and leads towards overall longevity of the romantic relationship.

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