Girlfriend Chooses Friends Over Me – 12 Surefire Tips To Help!

“Girlfriend chooses friends over me!”

Gosh, I bet that thought never crossed your mind in previous relationships. But this relationship makes you feel this way.

You must be feeling upset and lonely that she would rather spend time with her girlfriends than you. It might be embarrassing to ask your guy friends about this because you feel like they might not even relate.

Don’t worry, I have your back here. I will go through a list of potential reasons why she might be doing it and some helpful tips that will get you to be her number one again.

So, hang on for the ride!

Disclaimer:

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Girlfriend Chooses Friends Over Me – 12 Reasons

1. Longevity Of Her Friendships

Let’s be real honest here. How long has she been friends with them? And how long have you been in a relationship with her?

I have been friends with some of my girlfriends since I was 9. I am now 36 years old. Sorry, but there is no way my boyfriend has witnessed the same growth my childhood friends have seen.

This isn’t to say it’s a competition. The level of intimacy feels different.

For example, they have seen me cry when I saw my parents fighting or when they helped me nurse a painful wound from a breakup. They know me through and through.

I came across this quote the other day.

“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.”

I certainly wouldn’t be where I am without those fantastic friendships.

Sure, it is hurtful when she is always choosing her fun friends but what if, instead of nagging at her for doing it…..

You surprise her with something that reminds her of her friends? This could also make you look real good to her as a thoughtful and sweet boyfriend.

Win – win for both, eh? 😉

2. Different Personalities

There are different people for different things, and this is something you need to be aware of.

For example, my partner has 0 empathy.

You are probably going to say, WHAT?

Yes, he scored zero for empathy on a personality test. This explained why whenever I was going through a problem, especially an emotional one.

He gave me the poorest advice: ” “Hey, you just need to get over it”. Or, “It is what it is, just accept it”.

I have, to be honest; I hated his advice.

I needed comfort and someone/ some people who would listen and allow me to go through the motions, and my girlfriends were the perfect people to do that with.

This isn’t to say my partner isn’t a great guy!

This means he was never meant to be anything and everything for me.

If you think this is the case, I promise you that you are setting up your relationship for failure.

This is because part of being human means having a relationship with another imperfect individual, just like how you are also deeply flawed.

So, she might turn to her friends more to fill the void in her life. And it’s okay if you cannot fulfil that.

3. You Disagree On A Lot

Let’s face it – we all want people just like us. We want people to condone our actions, thoughts and behaviors, so we seek them out constantly to make ourselves feel better.

You and her might disagree on a lot of life’s principles. So, it’s normal for her to seek out her friendships to provide that assurance.

4. Afraid Of Losing Friendships

Like I said earlier, her friendships have stood the test of time. They have been there for her. She has been there for them.

When I first got together with my boyfriend, I always ensured I made time for my friendships because I didn’t want to seem like I had forgotten them. After all, a new guy was in town.

My friendships remind me of ME. It reminds me of my independence, essential outside of my romantic relationships.

I am not going to lie; it has always to do with dependence. I didn’t want to depend only on my partner to be my end-all and be-all. It is too risky.

5. You Have Become Judgmental

Similar to the point I raised about having different ways of looking at things, you might come off judgmental, and she doesn’t need that. Not when she is going through something.

She wants people who will mull over it and dissect every angle of the problem, all over a bag of chips or popcorn.

6. She Needs Space

Relationships reach a plateau level when things aren’t as hot and heavy. It might be stable, but it might also spell out boredom to her.

She might seek her friendships to exchange ideas, thoughts, or interests.

Don’t always take things so personally, as if something is wrong with you.

7. You Guys Are Going Through A Rough Patch

We all go through different seasons in our relationships; sometimes, she needs her friends more than she needs you, especially if you are going through a rough period.

I am sure you prioritise her well-being. So if she is looking to her friends more, then respect her choice to do so. They are better good friends than strangers, in my opinion.

8. When You Are Too Controlling

If you control every time she wants to go out with her friends who have been there longer than you have, it’s only going to drive her into their arms.

She will feel stifled and almost claustrophobic from being in a relationship with you.

9. You Do The Same

Tit for tat, eh?

If you have done this in the past, are you even surprised if she turns the table on you?

Food for thought.

10. You Are Too Busy For Her

My partner works crazy hours. Some days, we barely have time to connect, especially with two screaming kids.

I work from home, which means I can sometimes feel isolated and crave human connection.

So, as a coping mechanism, I have learnt to get emotional intimacy from my friendships.

Realistically, I know my husband cannot give any more to me once he checks out of work.

11. She Finds You A Bore

I know! It’s not a fun thought to hear. But maybe she is looking for excitement and spontaneity.

You might be taking it for granted now that you have been in a relationship for so long, so she has no choice but to seek the thrill with other people.

12. When She Has Given Up

I am sorry to break this to you; one possible reason she might be choosing her friends over you is that she feels the end is near.

She might want to keep away so that she will have the strength to break up with you.

Girlfriend Chooses Friends Over Me – 12 Things To Do

1. Communicate Your Feelings

Be honest. Tell her how you feel when she chooses her friends over you. Get specific so she understands the full context.

This might be the first time she even has an inkling about your feelings.

2. Be Interesting

What new books are you reading? What podcast do you listen to? Which events have you gone to?

You will be interested if you are constantly on the journey of developing yourself.

Despite being together for 16 years, I am always in awe of my partner and crave his presence.

Why?

Because there is always something exciting and new he shares. I enjoy listening to his philosophies on life. I am beyond fascinated by him and think it’s a gift to be in the presence of greatness.

3. Manage Expectations

Set some boundaries and expectations as a couple. Get into the details of what it means. For example, every Friday night is time out with the girls.

Agree on what works for you as a couple. Not what everyone else does.

If you fail to communicate correctly, you will have this argument 1000 times more. Is that the life you desire?

I think not.

4. Practise Self-Care

If you have been following my articles, you will realise I am HUGE on self-care. Why?

In pursuing relationships with others, we often forget to take care of ourselves. As a result, we often practise victimhood and feel insecure.

For example, your girlfriend’s actions could be completely innocent.

Still, because you haven’t been taking care of yourself, you start to have all sorts of negative thoughts that you are seemingly left behind.

So, let’s start with something simple such as:

• – Committing to the gym once a  week

• – Coffee date with a friend once a month

• – Going for a walk during your lunch break

• – Sign up for martial arts

The list is honestly endless. There are a tonne of ideas that you can customise according to your life, but please, if anything, take care of yourself.

5. Allow Space

This is something my partner and I practice.

Even with two young kids (who are throwing a tantrum or two more often than not), we push ourselves to go out with our friends.

Why?

Because the simple act of recharging yourself with other people can boost your quality of life.

You will come back happier and more excited to contribute to being the best partner you can be in the relationship.

Esther Perel, the renowned relationship psychologist, talks about the concept of otherness.

When we see our partner in their element (without us), we find them more attractive.

After all, wasn’t this how we discovered them? They were their person with their hobbies and interests.

When we become too intertwined, there is nothing to look forward to, which can dull the relationship and even lead to resentment.

6. Take Up New Activities Together

When you both sign up for something new, you learn about each other differently.

Both of you will feel vulnerable and scared, which is the best part. You make the relationship even more exciting.

Some ideas worth trying:

• – Art class

• – Salsa class

• – Head to a museum

• – Go a road trip for 10 days straight

My partner and I tried salsa class the other day, which was hilarious. We both had two left feet, but we both went with giggles of laughter and a fun afternoon together away from the kids.

The picture below shows how we looked!

7. Spend Time With Your Friends

Call out your guy friends. Get a beer at the local bar and chill. We all need time outs. Do just that!

8. Surprise Her

Keep the relationship exciting by surprising her. Whenever we think of the word surprise, we often think of gifts. But what about a simple note or a text message?

I overheard something on a podcast the other day and immediately practised it.

I sent a simple text message to my husband, thanking him for being so devoted to me and our family.

That warmed his heart as he slaves away at work for our future.

It doesn’t have to cost a thing to appreciate your partner, but it has to be meaningful and genuine.

9. Organise Outings With Her Friends

Feeling like girlfriend chooses friends over me? I hear you.

This is a great way to celebrate her and her friendships. I do this with my husband.

I will text my husband’s best friend to tell him to organise a guys’ night out. Love the surprised look my husband gets every time I do it.

He works hard for the family and sometimes forgets to enjoy his life. So, as wife and partner, I do it for him! Haha.

He often thanks me profusely the next day and is a better husband and a father. This is why I am grateful for his friendships outside our marriage.

Above all, they help to sustain his soul.

10. Put Yourself In Her Shoes

I have some understanding for her. What if the roles were reversed, and you wanted more time with your friends?

Wouldn’t you want to be treated with the same graciousness?

11. Counselling

I recommend counselling if you cannot agree on fundamental ways to be in a relationship.

Having a neutral party can help defuse the tension and provide a solid framework for both of you.

12. Consider Ending Things

If she refuses to change her ways and does not want to find a middle ground, perhaps you have ended your journey with her.

Both may have different goals and visions for how you want the relationship to progress, which is okay.

Conclusion For Girlfriend Chooses Friends Over Me

Finally reached the end of the article on girlfriend chooses friends over me! Hooray!

I hope you find the potential reasons I listed helpful. I have heard some of my friends use some of the practical solutions I provided in their relationships.

Remember that you always want to play the long game with your partner and not fret over minor issues that WILL crop up in your relationship now and then.

I am sending you nothing but the best in your relationship! Send me a comment or two if you find the information I provided valuable.

Frequently Asked Questions On My Girlfriend Chooses Friends Over Me

What Do I Do If My Girlfriend Chooses Her Friends Over Me?

Tell your concerns to her and talk to her about the issue at hand.

Open and honest communication is the only way you can move forward with the problems in your relationship.

Be prepared to also listen intently to what she is saying because it takes a lot of vulnerability to be open.

Should Your Friends Come Before Your Relationship?

Yes and no, they provide a different kind of support than romantic relationships mean which means they are equally important.  

Friendships can provide us with different and unique perspectives on life.

It is important to manage your expectations that your partner will not be able to fulfil all of your needs in life.

Should I Give Up A Good Friend For My Girlfriend?

No, never give them up for a relationship because the good friend may have been there for you for many more seasons than your partner.

It is not always easy to find a good friend.

Healthy relationships should allow for friendships to be cultivated and nourished. This helps to support the growth of the relationship.

What To Do When Your Girlfriend Doesn’t T Make You A Priority?

Start by explaining that you do not feel like you are a priority in the relationship. You need to be specific and provide examples so that she can comprehend the situation properly.

Work on a favorable outcome as a team to facilitate the success of the relationship in the long run.

Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing My Relationship?

The connection can be eroded by poor communication. Usually, people have unmet expectations and find it a struggle to communicate their needs for fear of rejection.

People may also change with time and may desire different things in their life.  This may lead to one or both parties feeling like they are growing apart.

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