Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me – 28 LITTLE KNOWN Reasons

Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?

I bet you never thought of asking that question once you entered into a relationship and yet, here you are.

It must feel painful to be in love with someone who hurts you this much.

You might even feel embarrassed to talk to a friend about it because they would ask you to dump your girlfriend like a hot potato.

But let’s not get to that just yet.

Let me walk you through some of the potential reasons why she might be behaving in a mean manner and what you can do about it.

This is a more common problem than you think.

It happens to the very best of couples so let’s get to finding solutions together!

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Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me – 28 Reasons

1. She Is Unhappy

Let’s get to the obvious one. She is hurting you because of unhappiness in the relationship.

Maybe she is frustrated at the pace of things. Maybe she wants to get married. Or she wants out.

There is a myriad of reasons to explore here and you can only do it if you are ready to hear the answers.

2. She Is On Birth Control Pills

Did you know birth control changes a woman’s mood? Multiple studies have shown this. She might be acting in a way that is outside her control.

So, you might want to find out if this is contributing to her meanness. And if so, consider finding alternative solutions to combat this problem.

The poor girl could be suffering in silence with the fluctuations in hormones and it might be time for you to be there for her.

3. Mental Health Issues

She could be suffering from mental health issues such as bipolar disorder or depression.

She might not even know she is suffering from it as it has gone undiagnosed for so long.

Her constant mood swings and lashing out at you are all just symptoms of an underlying problem.

4. Trauma

She might be trying to push you away to ‘test’ you. Perhaps her exes ran away at the sight of trouble.

So she might want to see if you are going to do the same. Hence, her testing you is by being mean.

5. Influenced By Wrong Friends

Our behaviors are largely influenced by the circle of people we run with.

She might be hanging out with those typical mean girls in high school who feel being condescending to their boyfriends is the only way to live.

Who knows how she might behave outside her mean girl gang?

6. You Are Being Mean To Yourself

Maybe she is reflecting on your poor behavior in the relationship. She might have been trying to tell you that you aren’t being very kind but you haven’t been listening.

She then feels the need to ‘show’ you this by being mean.

All to get her message across.

7. She Is Bored

Could this relationship have run its course? Maybe she is tired of you and is looking for a way out.  

She might be afraid of doing the actual break up so she hopes by being mean to you – you might take a hint and leave.

8. Is It All In Your Head

Are you overthinking things? Maybe she is fine and behaving normally but you are extremely sensitive.

So you think every single comment from her is mean and malicious because you are on edge.

9. Raised That Way

So I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t exactly very kind to my boyfriend back then, now husband when we first started dating.

I used to push him away by being mean because that was the dynamic with my parents.

Thinking this was NORMAL. I mean girl fights with her boyfriend, boyfriend calls her back repeatedly – just like in the movies, right? WRONG.

My boyfriend tolerated none of it and wanted to leave.

It was then I realized that he was an emotionally mature man who wanted to be treated with the utmost respect. The same one he was displaying to me.

10. Stress

This relates to the previous story I shared about me being mean to my partner. Truth is, I was in a very stressful management consulting job and he was still studying back then.

I found it frustrating that he couldn’t relate to me. Not to mention that he had tonnes of time on his hands to play computer games and gallivant.

The stress was completely misdirected at him. It was never his fault but I wanted to blame something and as a result, he bore the brunt of my anger.

11. Hungry

Such an odd reason, eh? But hey, don’t get in between a hungry woman. She will be prone to say something mean just to get her food in.

12. Low Self Esteem

Does she suffer from low self-esteem? Maybe she feels the need to put you down because she lacks self-confidence.

Some people thrive on this. That is the only way she can feel good about herself.

13. It Is Her Personality

What was she like when you first dated her? She might have been exhibiting these behaviors but you thought nothing of it because you are so in love – or so you thought.

So, has she changed or are you starting to see the light now?

Only you can address this.

14. She Feels Taken For Granted

You might have made her feel less than. You don’t do the things you used to do for her at the start of courtship.

Slowly, you take her for granted. The only way for her to seek attention from you is by being mean.

15. Control Freak

She might be a control freak because she has past trauma or childhood issues. Thus, she feels the need to have the last word to gain some sort of control.

16. She Is Hormonal

Okay, I will admit it here. I am crazy hormonal during my period and can lash out at my boyfriend for no good reason.

Working on it though. It is a conscious decision to be aware of my period cycles so that I can warn him of my uncontrollable rage and meanness.

17. You Let Her Get Away With It

Is this a new phenomenon of her being mean? If not, then maybe you have let it happen to you over and over again that it has become the norm in your relationship.

18. She Is Cheating On You

Oh boy, here is a tough one for you to swallow. Could she be cheating on you? Well, it makes sense, right? Why else would she be mean to you? Maybe she sees no future with you and has stopped making an effort to be nice.

19. She Is Battling Anger And Resentment

She might be struggling to communicate her unmet needs in the relationship so being mean is the easier thing to do.

20. She Has No Idea She Is Being Mean

Have you verbalized to her how you feel when she is being mean? She might not have the self-awareness to realize that she is treating you poorly.

Yes, I know it seems strange but it does happen. Not everyone thinks of the consequences of their actions.

21. She Is Not Serious With You

You might be putting all your eggs in this basket. She might not. To her, this is just a temporary relationship and that is why she can treat you as she pleases.

22. She Might Need Space

Are you overwhelming her? Maybe she needs space to process things and if you don’t give it to her – she thinks being mean will get you to understand that.

23. She Is Revengeful

Payback time! You might have been mean to her in the past. She might have stored all her repressed emotions from that time and decided to take it out on you now.

Akin to you having a taste of your own medicine.

24. You Are A Placeholder

She might be using you as a trophy to the rest of your girlfriends. She just wants to show you off. But at home or in your own space, she treats you like garbage.

25. You Are Too Dependent On Her

Maybe you want her all to yourself. Maybe you rely on her for financial gains.

She might be trying to be mean to you so that she can ward you off. It is exhausting to be with someone who behaves the way you do.

26. No One Taught Her

Being in a relationship is hard work as you know all too well.

Maybe she never learned how to truly behave in a relationship so she thinks being mean is acceptable and is somewhat even the default.

27. She Is A Sociopath

Narcissism might be her personality trait. She enjoys being cruel because it uplifts her.

Some signs of narcissism include:

• – a sense of entitlement
• – manipulative behavior
• – need for admiration
• – lack of empathy

28. She Thinks You Are Not Worth Of Her

She might feel that you are below her league and everyone around her reminds her of that.

10 Strategies – Why Is My Girlfriend So Mean To Me

1. Offer Space

Maybe some time apart for the both of you can help to relieve some of that unwanted pressure on her. She might come to her senses about how she is treating you and be sorry about it.

2. Focus On The Fun Stuff

Lay off the serious conversations in your relationship and focus on injecting some fun and excitement into the relationship once again. Unsure of what to start with?

Here are 50 ideas to get you and your partner started.

3. Analyse The Situation At Hand

Are you overreacting? It is easy for us to point the blame at another but are there things that we are doing that may be triggering her poor behaviour?

Accountability is also a part of your responsibility in the relationship.

4. Remain Calm

You might be tempted to pull the plug immediately but take a breather and look at the entire situation. Perhaps this is a season.

It is important to remain cool and collected when she is hurling out expletives and is being mean.

Try some breathing exercises to help you cope. Even if things don’t work out in this relationship, you at least learn how to remain calm under pressure.

5. Build Up Your Intimacy

I know this is hard to do when she is being mean to you but maybe this is a cry for help.

This would be a good time to remind her of what a good partner you are. So just maybe she might be nicer to you.

6. Ask Questions And Listen Intently

A lot of us ask questions to hear ourselves talk. How about you try listening to this time? Truly letting her process her thoughts and listen without judgment.

It sounds easier said than done but the good news is, practice makes things perfect.

7. Consider Counselling

I know what you are thinking – counseling is for married folks, right?

Actually no, if you work on your relationship this early on, it helps to build the foundation for the long term.

8. Consider Separation

Look, if you have tried everything and it hasn’t worked, leave with your pride intact. There is only so much you can do to support your partner.

No one should ever put up with emotional abuse from the person who supposedly loves you the most.

So hold your head up high and leave.

Conclusion On Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me

We have finally concluded the article why is my girlfriend so mean to me? I hope you find the reasons I have listed useful in understanding her and hope the helpful strategies in tackling this issue come in handy.

At the end of the day, we are all human, and love and being hurt will be a part of the human experience. However, that doesn’t mean you should accept poor behavior on her part.

I do wish you the best of luck in your relationship. Do drop me a comment if you find anything I said resonates with you.

FAQs on Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me

Why Does My Girlfriend Belittle Me?

Her own lack of self esteem coming out is the reason why she belittles you. Some people gravitate towards putting other people down as it makes them feel bigger.

This is definitely very hurtful and doesn’t help improve her self esteem. She needs to learn to be considerate of her partner in life.

Why Does My Girlfriend Get Mad At Me So Easily?

She feels entitled in the relationship and feels like you must bow down to her. Rather than be accountable, she looks to blame you for all her insecurities and mood swings.

So it might seem like the easy thing for her to take it out on you and the relationship suffers in the end.

How Do I Know My Relationship Is Over?

When you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. You would rather find solace in something or someone else.

For a relationship to thrive, it is very important to share thoughts however uncomfortable and painful with each other. That is how emotional intimacy is built which is essential in a relationship.

What To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Being Mean To You?

Talk to her about how she has been treating you and find out if there is something wrong with her and her life.

She might feel depressed which causes her to be more irritable. You might need to be empathetic towards her needs and get her the professional help she needs.

Should I Stay Or Leave My Relationship?

It could be time to leave if you feel deeply that your partner no longer values you. But if both partners are equally contributing, then the relationship will work.

If they take you for granted or don’t respect you, it could spell trouble for the both of you. Fundamentally, listen to your instinct.

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