Why Does My Wife Always Want to Fight (16 Reasons & Solutions)

1. Stress

Women do not just carry the physical load but also the emotional load of having to coordinate school pick-ups and drop-offs.

It can be exhausting. Not to mention, having to somehow squeeze in time to continue their office work once at home.

It can be extremely draining on her which is why she is often irritable and wants to lash out.

I know that I find it harder to sometimes tell my husband that I am overwhelmed and need help. It also feels like one more thing that I have to tell him and I would rather just do it myself.

So in the end, I end up a fiery dragon at home.

2. Power Struggles

I was the main breadwinner early on in our relationship and marriage. Truth be told, when we had our first son, the dynamics had to change.

We were both working and it was exhausting to also deal with a colicky baby. Therein lies the power struggle.

It took a toll on our marriage as we both wanted to bicker about who does more and being more calculative at the end of each day.

I will admit, I am also very egotistical and wanted to win every argument we had.

Suffice to say, it was a tough phase of our marriage.

3. Unmet Needs

Why Does My Wife Always Want to Fight?

Well, when I decided to take a step back from my career and take on a part-time role, I underestimated how hard it would be.

I had to say goodbye to external validations like a pat on the back from a boss or presenting in front of senior board members.

And instead focus my attention on washing the potty and picking up all the food on the floor left behind by my daughter after her meals.

It was a humbling experience indeed but I felt lost and unworthy especially because I was a Leo who was known to be a firecracker at work.

It was hard to discuss these unmet needs with my husband because I also needed to be there for my children.

This resulted in many arguments during the first few years of our marriage.

4. Vying For Attention

Consider why your toddler throws a tantrum. They want attention, right?

The same thing may apply to your wife. Her emotional and maybe physical tank is running on empty and she needs you to SEE her.

At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel like they matter and are seen in the world.

5. Lack Of Appreciation

Let’s go back to your dating period with your wife.

Did you not shower her with flowers and chocolates? Did you not send her multiple text messages throughout the day telling her how much you adore her?

What’s changed? Well, life. I get it. I am in the same boat here as we are a young family.

But appreciation is so important for your partner. She might be feeling undervalued for all the things you see her do and all the things you don’t see her do.

6. Unresolved Trust Issues

Have you cheated in the past? Hey, an emotional affair or a harmless crush counts too especially if she is aware of it.

She might just be on guard because she doesn’t want to be hurt in the future.

7. Financial Problems

Why does my wife always want to fight, you ask?

Are you guys having money problems? Money is a huge problem for couples.

I can relate as we now struggle in this economy with two young kids. The cost of childcare is astronomical and my kids are 4 and 10 months!

It has led to us arguing over whether or not we should cut back on certain expenses or try to pick up a side hustle so that we do not break the bank.

8. Hormones

Do not ever underscore the role hormones play in women.

Even if she is not anywhere near menopause, she could be perimenopausal and it can exhibit symptoms such as frequent mood swings.

Other symptoms may include:

Irregular periods
Hot flashes
Mood changes
Vaginal and bladder problems

Is it any wonder why she wants to constantly fight? Poor woman could be struggling when her body is working against her.

9. Lack Of Self Care

She might be thirsting for some self-care right . This could be a big reason why you wonder why does my wife always want to fight.

But she can’t because of the obvious workload on her. You could try to take over more at home and give her a bit of a breathing room.

10. Unresolved Past Issues

Men usually talk things out and move on. Women do not.

They might be holding on to old issues because of trauma or other reasons. So any simple triggers tend to flare up old issues.

11. You Lack Empathy

So, let’s do some self-reflection here. Are you empathetic to her needs? My husband has zero empathy.

Yup, not lying. He scored 0/100 on a personality test and suffice it to say I was not surprised but was more relieved. I now understood why I was getting frustrated at him all the time!

12. Inequity With In-Laws

Could she feel like you are not visiting enough of her family?

Maybe you see your parents every week but hers only once a month. She might feel like it is unfair but is unable to voice that out.

13. You Misinterpret

Are you overthinking things? Maybe she is not wanting to fight all the time but you perceive it to be that way because you are looking for someone to pin this on.

14. Childhood Issues

This might have been the pattern for her growing up.

Some families just have those dynamics and it is not very healthy but that has been how she has learned to navigate relationships.

15. Turned Into Your Marital Ritual

I talk about the importance of marital rituals often but this one is negative and has a big impact on your marriage.

Unfortunately, this is a ‘dance’ you both need to work on to enjoy a long-lasting relationship.

16. Fear Real Intimacy

When you hear the word intimacy, everyone always thinks about what happens in the bedroom but the truth is, it is so different. Intimacy also lies in how we communicate with each other.

10 Tips – Why Does My Wife Always Want To Fight

1. Reframe

Don’t look at things as me vs. your problem/ issue. Come together and place the problem on the ‘table’. Now, how do you go about fixing it as a team rather than just pointing things out?

2. Know That She Cares

If she wants to fight with you, it means she still cares. Indifference is the worst thing in a relationship. So lean into it with that thought process.

3. Understand Trigger Points For Both Parties

Come together and talk about your trigger points. You never know if there is something you are doing on your end that triggers her trauma.

Again, you won’t know these things until you communicate. And if you communicate well you won’t be having the problem of why my wife always want to fight.

4. Have A Safe Word

When things escalate between my partner and me and I assure you it very well will happen in any healthy marriage, we have a safe word.

Our word is diaper cream. It reminds us of our kids and how innocent they are. Reframes our arguments and makes us realize how petty our issues are.

5. Express Gratitude

Show appreciation for your wife daily. I am not talking about sending her a dozen of roses daily – but that would be nice, eh?

But I am talking about giving her a hug and a kiss before you leave for work.

Thank her for all the things you see her do and all the things she does on the back end to ensure everyone is well-fed and happy.

6. Schedule Time To Fight

Again, not encouraging you to fight but let’s be honest, every healthy marriage has its ups and downs so why not create some healthy rituals around it?

Scheduling time to fight also allows you to argue your case/ side in a more neutral setting as you would have calmed down from the explosive emotions.

7. Improve Intimacy

Spend some uninterrupted time together. Schedule a date night/ date day and do all the fun things you used to do before mortgages, chores, and children came into the picture.

8. Be Kind

When was the last time you did something kind for your partner? *Cricket sound*

I hear you. I struggle with this sometimes as well so I have a few ideas lined up below for you to check out.

Make them a warm meal
Send an email for them to read at work
Hold their hand as they have a conversation with you
Run them a bath
Offer a massage

See, these are simple gestures that can go the distance.

9. Apologise

I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this but you can apologise even if you are not at fault. It takes effort to be the bigger person and I assure you, it will not go unnoticed.

This can help ‘soothe’ the situation when you go through the problem of why does my wife always want to fight.

10. Remember Why You Fell In Love

Sometimes it takes fights to remind us of what we are holding on to. Think back to why you fell in love with your wife. Think of all the good things she has brought into your life.

You will realize that these fights that she has with you are nothing compared to the bigger picture of the shared love the both of you have.

Conclusion

So there you have it folks, some practical tips and tools the next time you wonder why does my wife always want to fight.

Anger may come and go now and then in every relationship but the key to handling it is to practice kindness as well as emotional maturity.

I hope you remember that as you navigate this turbulent time in your marriage, it is equally important to take care of yourself as well.

Share with me in the comments if any of these tips resonate with you! Or let me know if you have any other ideas/ topics you want me to delve into further!

Frequently Asked Questions – Why Does My Wife Always Want To Fight

Why Is My Wife Always Picking Fights With Me?

In an insecure attachment style, this is a common tendency in people. They have an underlying fear that their attention and love is dependant on others and can be withdrawn at any point in time.

It is said that the coping mechanism for this attachment style is to pick a fight with their spouses.

Why Is My Wife So Defensive About Everything?

Shame or a fear of being wrong is one of the reasons why someone may become defensive especially in argument.

They often feel the need to prove the person speaking wrong because the words expressed is thought to be inaccurate or unjust. This can result in an explosive argument if both parties do not relent.

What Keeps A Wife Happy?

Trusting her, noticing and appreciating small details, hugging her often and being kind can go the distance in ensuring your wife is happy and feel valued.

So, the quick win you can do today that will bring a smile to her face is to simply thank for what she does daily.

Does My Wife Really Love Me?

She respects you and looks up to you in her life. She speaks very highly of you. Even if she has disagreements with you, she stands up for you in a heartbeat in front of family and friends.

This is an undeniable sign that she loves you if she respects you.

What Increases Love Between Husband And Wife?

Make time for physical affection with your partner by holding hands, snuggling while watching your favourite TV show.

Perhaps you can try learning about their love language so that you know what to zone in on to demonstrate how much you love and appreciate them. This is sure way to get them to feel appreciated.

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