My Wife Is Not Happy With Me – 15 Shocking Reasons Why

My wife is not happy with me.

Why did this happen and what do I do about it?

I bet you feel completely hopeless and may even be at a loss for what to do. I understand this can be tough to go through but worry not, I will share some reasons why this happens and what to do about it.

There are also some tips that my husband uses on me when I am unhappy with him. After all, marriage isn’t a bed of roses, eh?

So, come along for the ride, and let’s read on!

Disclaimer:

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15 Reasons Why My Wife Is Not Happy With Me

1. Feels Underappreciated

When was the last time you showed appreciation to your wife? Women thrive on appreciation as it is a form of respect shown by their partners. Here are simple ways for you to show appreciation which you can do right this instant:

• Send her text at work telling how smart/ intellectual she is
• Order a bunch of flowers with a handwritten note
• Hug her the minute she comes home and tell her what an amazing person she is for doing so much for the family
• Kiss her goodnight daily and tell her you love her

2. Feels Overwhelmed

Talk to any mom or wife around the world and you will find them extremely overwhelmed. I mean we love our kids but….

The physical load of having to manage chores, kids, and even a full-time job can be extremely draining.

We haven’t even got to the mental load yet.

Imagine having to coordinate between in-law visits, school drop-offs as well and medical appointments for the kids. The list is endless.

Can you now be surprised if she is not happy with you? It might not be you per se but it’s more like she needs a focal point for her frustrations and right now, you are the easiest target.

3. Depression

Depression comes in many different ways. Some through postpartum, others through significant life changes, fluctuating hormones, or even it could be hereditary.

She could be upset and suffering in silence because she doesn’t know how to seek help.

Again, it’s easier to be upset at you than to talk to you and face the problem.

4. She Feels Controlled

Do you control her? Do you talk down to her? I will be honest that I never expected my husband of 5 years to suddenly change his ways with me.

He took on a big role at work and while I was proud of him for such a feat, I realized he started to also treat me like one of his subordinates and talk down to me.

Suffice it to say, it led to me shutting off and harboring deep-rooted resentment for him. Only when I felt ‘safe’, I opened up to him about how his mannerisms made me feel.

5. Constantly Being Compared

Do you subconsciously compare her to other wives or girlfriends?

It could be subtle or you could be outright blunt but it doesn’t do well for her self-esteem and this could be a reason why she is not happy with you.

It doesn’t do well for her self-esteem when she is constantly being compared.

6. Lack Of Quality Time Spent

Everyone is the first to suggest getting weekly dates in but hey, if you are like me with a toddler and a newborn – when exactly can get you time?

But here’s what my husband and I have started to do. He drives home for lunch for a mere 30 minutes with me.

We eat the cheapest food around but again; it’s not going to be a date night with candlelight dinners at this stage of our lives.

But we appreciate the little moments where we can spend quality conversations away from the kids.

This helps me so much in not just loving my dear husband but also liking him as a person as I am curious about his thoughts and goals.

7. You Are Selfish

Oh boy – here is a tough one. Are you being selfish? Do you understand what is on her plate daily?

Do you offer her unsolicited help or do you wait to be instructed? As I mentioned earlier, it is hard for her to have to also ‘manage’ you on top of the kids.

Surely now you can understand why my wife is not happy with me.

So try being a little less selfish and see how she feels after that.

8. You Have Lied

Were you caught lying? She might be showing her frustrations by being unhappy with you. She finds it hard to trust her partner after experiencing deceit in her marriage.

There are no ifs and buts about it but you will need to come clean in your marriage about everything.

9. You Had An Affair

This is a big one! If you have had an affair and have worked through reconciliation with your partner, understand that this betrayal will always have a huge impact on your marriage.

This is why she might not be happy with you even if she has accepted your apology.

10. You Have Anger Issues

I know it is hard when you feel like my wife is not happy with me.

I can relate to this all too well. My husband had anger issues and it didn’t come up until we had our first child.

My son was colicky and barely slept his first year. As a result, my husband became a very angry person because he was frustrated at the situation and how cranky my son was.

I assure you, it tore my marriage apart. I ended up being so unhappy with him and as a result, we constantly fought.

It was only through time and prayer that we managed to reconcile our differences and I was accepting of his angry ways.

I also never realised this but his anger and combative nature was reminiscent of my father behaving that way to my mother as a child.

This is why I ended up retreating away from my husband and it unleashed a lot of inner childhood trauma.

11. Inequity With Chores

Are you pulling your weight at home? Most women work full-time and earn the same amount if not more than men.

If they are stay-at-home moms, that is even worse because they work through the night.

She might be feeling exhausted with everything and her anger is directed at you because you are not helping as much.

12. Deep Resentment

Often have thoughts that my wife is not happy with me?

Resentment usually happens from unvoiced hurt. Women have a bad habit of keeping things in.

Could be from the daily stress of life to having to give up a successful career to be more present for the kids. Her resentment is manifested through her being unhappy with you.

13. She Feels Her Needs Are Not Met

Do you know her love language? You might feel like you understand her so well after being together for so long but the truth is, we experience and value love differently.

Take the test today and find out how to ensure her ‘love tank’ is full.

14. She Is Sick

Sickness here could range from her struggling with peri-menopause to having a serious illness she is not ready to share.

This might be why she is walking around with a sulky face.

15. She Wants Out

This is hard to hear but maybe she feels like she has given up on the relationship and it is only here because of the marital commitment she made in front of others.

But if given the chance, she has reached the end of her rope with you.

My Wife Is Unhappy – 10 Signs

1. No Longer Makes Effort

She is indifferent about life and doesn’t care so much about the future. When you talk, she is genuinely disinterested and doesn’t give you the time of day.

2. Never Share Anything Personal

She might not even want to open up about her issues or struggles because she feels angry at you.

3. She Seems Happier When You Are Not Around

You hear from others that she is generally joyful when you are not around. For some reason, your presence makes her feel uncomfortable.

 4. Gaslights You

When you do try to talk to her about your marital problems, she gaslights you into thinking it is nothing. That hurts you beyond words and has even led to you Googling how to live in an unhappy marriage.

5. Things In The Bedroom Have Faded

She no longer craves intimacy from you or even if she does oblige, it feels like she is doing it out of obligation rather than actual love.

6. She Enjoys Going Out Without You

Your wife has tonnes of hobbies and activities that don’t involve you.

7. She Is Addicted To Her Phone

She relies on the phone or social media as a way to avoid communicating with you.

8. She Has Let Herself Go

Depression can rear its ugly head in a myriad of ways. One of which is she putting on a lot of weight because she is so unhappy.

9. She Is Keeping Secrets

She no longer relies on you as her confidant but instead talks to other people about issues she may be having.

 10. Most Of Your Conversations Turn Into Arguments

It feels like every time you engage, it flares up into a heated argument. That has become the ‘dance’ for both of you and it is hard to break free from it. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be one of those people who ask how to survive a bad marriage without divorce so you might want to fix this as soon as possible.

How To Fix The Relationship When My Wife Is Not Happy – 10 Ways

1. Be Kind

How to survive in an unhappy marrriage, you ask? Well, be kind.

Kindness is so underrated in a relationship. But be reminded though, that you might have to show acts of kindness for a long time before she trusts you again.

Most people are suspicious when there is a behavior change as she might be used to you being a certain way.

2. Demonstrate Appreciation

You did date this woman and you did do all sorts of romantic gestures in the past. Where has it gone?

Find ways to appreciate her in her love language.

3. Be Mindful Of Your Words

Sticks and stones may break me but words will never hurt me. While the saying sounds great, the reality is further from the truth.

You have to choose your words wisely as it has a great impact on your relationship with her.

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Apologize

How to cope in an unhappy marriage, you ask?

Well, never be afraid of apologizing. It only means you value the relationship more than your pride and ego which can come in the way of destroying your marriage.

5. Offer Space

Maybe she needs space to gather her thoughts and process her feelings.

6. Surprise Her

Woo your lady. Cook her a warm meal. Offer to do all the chores on her list for a day and then pay for a spa session for her to enjoy with her friends.

There are so many amazing ideas to choose from so get busy!

7. Practise Self-Care

If you have been reading my articles, I often include a self-care tip. It is very important that you also prioritize YOU.

Spend some time doing something for yourself so that you can be the best husband and father for your family. For example, go for a hike with your buddies or head to the gym.

I assure you, that you will return to the relationship feeling recharged and ready to serve.

8. Seek Professional Help

There is no shame in getting the help you need in your marriage. Sometimes, an external party can shed some light on your marriage.

For all you know, your marriage comes out way stronger than it used to be.

9. Ask Yourself If This Is In Your Head

Sometimes we have an overactive imagination and we want to think the worst of any situation due to our crippling anxiety.

After spending time examining your thoughts, you can consider lovingly speaking to her to get to the bottom of the situation.

10. Consider Separation

If all else fails, you might want to consider separation to see if this might make both of you happy individually. It is the last resort but it is sometimes a step that needs to be taken.

Conclusion For My Wife Is Not Happy With Me

So there you have it folks, a whole run-through on why you may feel my wife is not happy with me and what to do about it.

As mentioned, my husband uses some of the strategies outlined, and safe to say our marriage is in a happier place.

Marriage can be challenging but recognize that it can also serve as potential for growth.

Share with me in the comments if you find my solutions helpful or if you have further thoughts on this very popular unpopular topic.

Sending love and light to you as always!

FAQs On My Wife Is Not Happy With Me

What To Do If My Wife Is Not Happy With Me?

Six Things To Do When Happiness Fades in Your Marriage

1. Spend time getting to know each other once again by carving out intentional time

2. Don’t play the victim card

3. Practise forgiveness

4. Stay patient even when things don’t seem to improve

5. Be generous with each other

6. Be kind always

Is It Selfish To Leave An Unhappy Marriage?

For ending a marriage you are not selfish. If you spend everyday in the wrong relationship, it is one more day you are adding to losing your identity.

A marriage may provide you with financial security and material comfort but that is the not the reason to continue staying in it.

 Do Unhappy Couples Stay Together?

Yes, partners in unhappy relationships tend to stay together because they hope things can return to their previous state.

Sometimes they think it will figure itself out if you give it time. Unfortunately, the research proves otherwise. You will need to continuously work on your relationship even when things are good.

What Are The 4 Pillars Of Unhappy Marriage?

Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are four horsemen that affect the heart of marriage.  Most unhappy marriages never run far from these themes.

Being able to identify which ones you are struggling with is the first step towards healing as a couple. To drive away unhealthy patterns, you must create new ones in your relationship.

Do All Couples Lose The Spark?

Yes, it is normal to lose the spark when you get comfortable in a relationship, you can always get in back with some nurturing.

It will take more effort, yes but it is a myth that the spark completely disappears as seen in happy couples who have lasted through the decades.

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