My Husband Told Me To Lose Weight - 16 Things You MUST DO!

“My husband tells me to lose weight!”

That can be brutal to hear from anyone – what more about your spouse? As an overweight person, I know exactly how you feel.

Your self-esteem is already at an all-time low and now to hear this from your spouse! You must be feeling all sorts of emotions such as anger, and sadness and may even feel embarrassed.

You start to not just question yourself but your entire marriage. Isn’t your husband supposed to be the one who loves you unconditionally?

Well, don’t worry, I am going to be there to hold your hand and walk you through the many reasons this happening and share you with ways to handle this delicate situation.

So read on!

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1. Feel The Emotions

Get upset! Strange suggestion, well, normalising feeling upset when something someone close to us comments on our weight. We are already riddled with anxiety so it can be difficult if we try to suppress our emotions.

I promise you; that it will come back and bite you when you least expect it.

2. Understand Where He Is Coming From

Okay, now that you are done with all the crying and anger – try to understand where is he coming from.

Did you gain weight recently? Or have you always been overweight? Has he changed? Perhaps he has had an A-HA moment where he wants to focus on health and longevity.

How will you know the answers to this question if you do not ask him directly? The truth might be painful to hear but it is something you need to come to terms with.

3. Acknowledge It

Now that you understand where he is coming from, take ownership and accountability if he is coming from a good place. Again, it is not easy to hear that my husband told me to lose weight.

Perhaps he wants you to live a long and healthy life so that he can enjoy more of you.

If he is doing this just to make you feel less worthy, it will be easier to drop him and you lose the ‘weight’ immediately. Jokes aside, if he does this, it is tantamount to emotional abuse.

4. Tell Him What You Need

Hey, I am just as guilty as every other woman in that I find it hard to be specific about what I need from my husband but here’s what I did.

When I gained 25 pounds when we dated, I told my boyfriend back then (now husband) that I needed support from him. I can bet you with all that weight I gained he thought to himself how to tell your girlfriend she needs to lose weight.

I needed him to help with learning new workout moves, choosing healthier options when we date and also reminding me constantly of my goals. He did just that and never once forced me into anything I didn’t want to do.

There were times when I let my feelings get ahead of me like Oh, I don’t feel like working out today, I am lazy and would cancel on our gym date and he never once judged me or reprimanded me.

He just replied Sure, let’s do it another day then.

What a gift that was from him. Little did I know, that small gesture helped me to shed those 25 pounds and more in my own time.

5. Have A Safe Word

Look, we women are extremely hormonal, there are times when we just don’t want any comments from anyone especially if it is that time of the month.

So, create a safe word. Mine is a Teddy Bear. A word that is unrelated to food or even exercise.

My husband knows that when I utter that word, it is time to back off and keep his thoughts to himself.

6. Is This Really About Weight?

Ask him if this is truly about weight. As we get older, we unfortunately WILL gain some weight due to our age and lifestyle.

Is he going to be upset every time this happens? What happens when he gains weight? Does he expect you to also keep him accountable?

Sometimes, this comment is symptomatic of a bigger underlying issue. You will know if you are prepared to have an honest chat about it.

7. Get Strong

So much of fitness is about losing weight. Yes, I get that it has an impact on overall health but why not focus on you feeling more confident and stronger?

The weight will melt when you least expect it.

8. Examine How You Feel

I once heard a famous psychologist mention that being overweight is a sign of depression.

It means you have no interest in practising self-care by feeding yourself nutritious food and working out to keep your mind and body healthy.

Is this true for you? You will have to be honest with yourself before even getting angry with your partner.

9. Eat Well

Regardless of whether you did gain weight – ask yourself if you have been eating nutritious food to be at your most optimised self.

When is the last time you prioritise your self-care by eating healthy? Maybe try googling weight watchers recipes to lose weight and see what comes up.

I know that as a mom of two young kids, I put myself on the back burner and it was showing up in lethargy and excess weight so I had to change things around and think of myself.

10. Have Agency

The thought that my husband told me to lose weight can be debilitating. I might not always be able to create nutritious meals and exercise because I have a full day with the kids. But here’s what I have done.

I practise intermittent fasting, partly because dinner time is an absolute madhouse with two kids. The weight just melted off.

Not to mention how much fasting has boosted my mental health.

So again, have agency over your life as to what you can control (what I put into my mouth/ what I don’t) and what you can’t control (busy schedule with the kids).

I promise you; you will feel a lot more empowered when you realise the power to change is always within you.

11. Practise Self Care

I know you might feel better if you think my doctor told me to lose weight and that is okay because he comes from a medical standpoint

But think about it. The weight on the outside is a manifestation of how you feel inside. Have you done something nice for yourself lately? It doesn’t have to be grandiose.

I know, I can’t afford a spa session or a facial every other month but here are simple things I choose to do to make myself feel good:

Go for a run
Use a mask at home for my face
Take my supplements
Call a friend
Take me out on a solo date
Soak in the bathtub for an hour

There are other 10 self-care ideas here that don’t cost a dime!

12. Practise Mindfulness

The benefit of mindfulness is well-known and researched. It is essentially how we pay attention to the things around us.

As I stated earlier, your husband could have been just highlighting to you an important fact about your weight but if you are not mindful of his intention, it might have turned into an explosive argument.

An example of mindfulness could be expressing gratitude to your husband that he is willing to speak to you about this matter. Sounds tough right? Because our first reaction is to get upset but if you practise mindfulness, you will realise it is nothing personal.

13. Rest

One of the most underrated tools for losing weight and even having some sort of sanity is sleep. In this world where our work lives are blurred and everyone is working from home, not many people are getting the rest they need.

Research has proven that this spikes your cortisol levels and has a huge impact on your metabolic rate.

14. Speak To A Therapist

Perhaps what your husband said is traumatic to you because it has links to your inner child.

You will have to examine why it is so triggering for you and the person who can provide a neutral perspective is a therapist.

You can ask your friends and family for a recommendation or just Google to find a good one.

15. Sign Of Trouble

This is a tough one but ask yourself if him telling you to lose weight is a sign that he wants to leave you or if there is something else going on in the marriage.

He may struggle with being honest because of the walls you have built over the years so this is his way to ‘hurt’ you.

16. Leave Him

Hardest recommendation but here’s the fact. If he is telling you this all the time without giving you support then he is a narcissist.

I would recommend that you leave him because fundamentally, we will all gain and lose weight as we age. If he does not understand that, he is not the right spouse for you.

Frequently Asked Questions On My Husband Told Me To Lose Weight

Is It OK For My Husband To Tell Me To Lose Weight?

Experts say if it’s based on a concern for your partner’s physical and emotional well-being, wanting your partner to change their lifestyle is very legitimate.

At the end of the day, no one wants the person they love to self-destruct or fall into unhealthy patterns that will ultimately ruin the relationship.

How Do I Encourage My Wife To Lose Weight?

1. Encourage your partner by giving them motivational words.

2. Don’t act like you know everything. Learn alongside her.

3. Offer to work out together

4. Avoid criticism

5. Enjoy nutritious food

6. Don’t forget to ask them how they would like to be supported.

7. Love them constantly.

Why Is My Wife Gaining Weight?

Stress, eating on the run and overwork are factors in weight gain. It can also be from serious physical or psychological health issues.

Love her as much as you can and reframe the conversation into you wanting her to live a long and healthy life together so you can do more things.

What To Do When Your Wife Becomes Unattractive?

Retrain your mind to see them in a more attractive light if your partner has become more physically unattractive to you.

Remove your unrealistic view of the ideal mate and focus on her inner beauty. Practise gratitude for the woman you have in front of you and see her in all her glory.

How Do I Get My Wife To Desire Me Again?

1. Have an engaging conversation. Make her feel special.

2. Show love to her in her love language.

3. Support her dreams

4. Be loyal to her

5. Assist her at home

6. Keep her smiling

7. Plan a surprise

8. Go on holiday

9. Remind her how beautiful she is

Conclusion

And that concludes the article on my husband told me to lose weight. Again, I truly empathise with how you must be feeling but I sincerely hope some of the tips and tools I have shared can help you with the success of your marriage.

Do know that this is a very common problem and many couples have come out of this situation not just happier but also stronger both mentally and physically.

Always remember to exercise agency over your life and not blame others. Only then will you come out with better self-love and empowerment.

Do let me know in the comments below if any solutions have worked for you. Or you may have other topics/ questions you’d like to see on this blog that could benefit the community.

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