My Husband Tells Me To Shut Up  – 20 Immediate Solutions Today!

“My husband tells me to shut up!”

Gosh, that certainly sounds like a dreadful scenario. I can’t believe this is happening to you and I can only imagine how hurt you must feel in this situation.

You are left feeling puzzled and confused. You then begin to not just question yourself but also your entire marriage.

This even makes you feel alone as you are embarrassed to share this with any of your friends. Worry not though as I am here to walk you through the reasons why this happens and what to do about it moving forward.

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My Husband Tells Me To Shut Up – 20 Reasons Why

1. He Is Egotistical

He thinks highly of himself. Essentially, he doesn’t think your values or opinions hold any water which makes saying hurtful things to someone you love a norm for him.

This is painful to hear so I am going to ask you to take a step back and breathe and focus on YOURSELF.

Let me ask you this.

When is the last time you did something for yourself?

2. He Does Not Respect You

Think about it, if you respect your partner as an individual, you would want to hear their thoughts and opinions on everyday life. But if you look down on your partner, then all you can think about is telling them to shut their mouth.

3. He Is Arrogant

Has something changed in your relationship recently or has he always been arrogant in nature? If it is part of his personality, it might be hard to change his ways.

4. He Is Impatient

Because of his work stress, he might feel impatient and doesn’t want to wait to hear you speak.

5. He Wants To End Things

If this is new behavior, it might point towards him wanting to end things with you. Sounds painful, huh? But it could be him trying to drive you away. He might just be afraid of calling it quits so he wants you to give up on the relationship first.

6. Not Connected

Saying hurtful things to your spouse can be a sign that there is a lack of emotional intimacy.

Are you both spending time with each other wisely?

Spending time in front of the television or watching a movie at the cinema doesn’t count.

I am referring to one time away from the kids, chores and work. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did this?

If it has been a while, it is no surprise that he treats you badly because he treats you more as a function to serve him and the kids as opposed to being his partner.

7. He Is Rude

Maybe this is how he speaks to everyone, especially his mom. I am a firm believer that how he treats his mother will be how he treats you. So this is why you feel my husband tells me to shut up all the time if he treats his mother as badly.

He has gotten away with saying hurtful things so why would he change, after all, you may not have said anything so it might further fuel him.

8. Resentment

Could he be upset in your marriage and throw a tantrum in the form of trying to shut you up? Maybe he feels he lacks attention from you because you are busy with young children.

My husband has never told me to shut up but I do know that the lack of attention I was showing him was resulting in him treating me like a doormat as opposed to his other half. It was hurtful to me until I spoke up to him.

9. Wrong Time

Telling someone to shut up can be one of the most mean and hurtful things to say to someone.

Bear with me here, could you pick a better time to speak to him?

Don’t be like me and lay it out all on him the minute he returns from work. Maybe this is why he ends up telling you to shut up so that he can recharge before delving into a serious conversation!

10. You Cheated

If there are any wrongs in marriage, an affair would be it. If you cheated, know that he is upset and doesn’t think highly of you anymore which leads him to talk down to you.

11. He Doesn’t Trust You

Similar to him not respecting you, he doesn’t trust your thoughts and opinions about life.

Maybe there were some decisions made in the past that didn’t bear the right results for your family so in turn, he feels he gets to call the shots.

12. He Is Cheating

If he sees someone outside the marriage then you can expect him to not be bothered by what you say. Someone else is clearly on his mind and is someone he constantly wants to hear from.

13. Insecure

I know it is hard when your spouse says hurtful things especially when you feel my husband tells me to shut up all the time.

But perhaps you are smarter than him and hold a better opinion but he doesn’t want you to argue or to voice it out of fear of appearing not smart, especially in front of others.

14. Upbringing

He might have grown up with a father that used to behave that way to his mother and he thinks that is the norm and you should follow along.

15. He Wants His Way

He might think that asking you to shut up means he ends up having his way. Unfortunately, this just means he lacks emotional intelligence by intelligently conversing with you.

16. He Is In Pain

It is hard isn’t it when you feel my husband says hurtful things?

I would ask that you consider if he is sick so he is more irritable than usual. Men have a habit of hiding their illnesses because they don’t want to burden others.

17. Anger Issues

Another reason why you may think my husband tells me to shut up all the time is anger.

He could have been having anger issues and he is unable to control himself.

Unfortunately, this is not something that you can handle on your own and you might need external help like a psychiatrist to drill down the issues.

18. Inner Turmoil

We can be married for the longest time and not experience true intimacy.

Perhaps he doesn’t feel like he can share with you his deepest, darkest thoughts. So this is why you may feel like my husband tells me to shut up all the time.

19. Lack Of Meaning

He could be suffering from helplessness. It is a downward spiral and he is just taking it out on you – his closest confidant.

20. He Finds You Too Controlling

Do you nag at him? He might want you to stop talking because he finds it purely irritating and let’s face it, no one wants to be nagged to.

My Husband Tells Me To Shut Up – 20 Strategies

1. Offer Space

Imagine if you were going through a rough time, you would appreciate it if your partner offered up more space for you to process your thoughts.

2. Spend Time

Have you tried to initiate some time alone with him? It doesn’t have to be a fancy date. Instead, I would recommend that you pick fun activities to do together.

Can’t think of any? Consider any of these 50 activities to get those endorphins in. Trust me, you will learn to rebuild your bond when you ‘break away’ from the comfort of your home.

3. Analyze The Situation

Could you be overreacting? It is easy for us to overthink how our partners treat us especially when women are generally raging with hormones and are more sensitive in nature.

I would just ask for you to observe his behavior over the next few weeks to understand what triggers him to speak to you in that manner. It can turn into a point for discussion.

4. Stay Calm

I know it is extremely hard not to react and to stay calm. But try to implement some of these breathing exercises and see how that changes your mood when he tells you to shut up.

You may just realize that his poor behavior is on him and has nothing to do with you. Neither should it affect your mood or how your day goes.

5. Be Polite

It is hard not to yell back, “You shut up” but a tit-for-tat situation will not help your marriage. Things will only intensify and it can turn ugly fast.

6. Be Intimate

Plan a nice dinner date and get intimate. Perhaps you need to remind him of what an amazing spouse you are and this might help him rekindle his feelings towards you and respect you.

7. Listen Intently

When he does speak, try to listen to try to understand his perspective rather than trying to come up with a witty response. Remember that we have two ears and one mouth so use it wisely.

8. Sign Up For Counselling

Notice this recommendation isn’t last? Well, This is because often people view counselling as the last resort. I beg to differ.

I think counselling can be a great addition to all the other efforts you put into the relationship and can be implemented anytime!

You might just leave the sessions with new techniques and tools to make your marriage wonderful again.

Bear in mind that sometimes your husband may not be so forthcoming in wanting to attend the session with you. If that is the case, sign up anyway as maybe you might experience a different perspective that can help your marriage.

9. Offer A Hug

Sounds counterintuitive? Especially after you feel my husband tells me to shut up all the time?

Well, hugging someone when they are upset can shift the patterns in their brain to be less angry.

It might seem like the last thing you want to do especially after being spoken to like that, but it might just be exactly what he needs to calm down.

Try this and let me know if it works for you too!

10. Don’t Take It Personally

Oh boy, this is a hard one. He is probably hurt or is hurting from something. You know what they say, hurt people, hurt people so try to avoid taking any of his actions personally. He could just be using you as a punching bag.

Not the best thing to do with your spouse but unfortunately, this is the case for most marriages and this could contribute as a reason for my husband tells me to shut up all the time.

11. Think Of Your Marriage

Remember that ultimately marriage is about sacrifice and service. He might need you to be there for him as he is going through this tough period.

Learn to be a supportive partner so that he can eventually open up to you about why he lashes out at you.

12. Communicate

Try to get him when he is in a good mood and speak to him about how his actions make you feel and how they directly impact the marriage.

If he does this in front of the children, it is even worse as it sets negative precedence for them on how to communicate with others.

13. Demonstrate Curiosity

Ask him why he is mad at you to speak to you that way. Perhaps he has been trying to tell you but you haven’t taken the time to truly listen.

14. Pray

It doesn’t have to be a lengthy prayer at all. Just speak to God in the only way you know how. When my husband and I were going through a rough patch, I turned to the Bible app and did daily prayers for him.

I won’t tell you that the prayers worked immediately – not on him but on me to be more patient and understanding of what he might be going through.

15. Medical Check

Get him checked for underlying issues. Maybe his newfound temper is a sign of a bigger health issue.

16. Divide And Conquer

Is he more irritable at you because after a long day of work, he comes home to a mountain of chores? I know it is really hard to hear this but try listing out all the work that is required to keep your home running and try to segregate it fairly.

You might just be surprised at what is on his list of tasks and may soon understand why he is being so short with you lately.

17. Walk It Off

When things get heated between the two of you, consider walking away. It might just be what you need so that the both of you can have a breather.

18. Prioritize You

Look, this isn’t a fun situation to be in and you must surely be feeling dejected but try to practise self-care in this journey.

If you can’t think of any at the top of your head, you can check this out. Remember, it doesn’t have to cost you money but if you don’t do this, it can cost you your inner peace.

19. Get Your Family Involved

Speak to his family members. You never know, they may be able to provide you with some insight into his poor behavior.

20. Attend A Marriage Retreat

Sometimes you need a weekend away with your husband to work on your marriage. There are tones of marriage retreats available that you can consider signing up for.

21. Listen To Podcast/ YouTube

Another strategy I swear by is to watch videos from dating gurus. Yes, you heard me, DATING GURUS and not marriage experts.

Want to know why?

This is because I still want to woo my husband in the dating sense. There are so many great tips shared on how to leave a text message when he is at work or how to get him attracted to you once again.

If you put in the work, I assure you, your husband will reciprocate by treating you with the utmost respect.

22. Aim Better

Be a better person. Yes, it is hurtful how he treats you but don’t let that change who you are.

Remember that other loved ones adore you for the person you are today, not the person your spouse wished you could be.

23. Go On A Holiday

Spend some much-needed couple away from the kids, chores and work so that you can build a stronger marriage. 

It doesn’t have to be long and it most certainly doesn’t have to be expensive.

24. Forgive Often

No one said married life is easy, am I right? Forgive your partner for every transgression. If you don’t, it will eat your marriage alive.

25. Leave

If all options have failed and you have given it your best shot, consider leaving your spouse especially if his verbal abuse escalates to something bigger like physical abuse.

No one should ever treat you like that, what more your spouse who exchanged vows with you once.

Conclusion

And that concludes our article on my husband telling me to shut up. I sincerely hope the practical tips and strategies I shared can help you with the success of your marriage.

Rest easy knowing countless other couples have been in this same situation and have come out of it stronger.

If things do not work out despite how hard you have tried, know that you have given it your best shot. Ultimately, you can only do so much.

Let me know in the comments below if any solutions have worked for you. Or you may have other topics/ questions you’d like to see on the blog that could benefit the marriage community.

Frequently Asked Questions On My Husband Tells Me To Shut Up

What Kind Of People Do Emotional Abusers Target?

If you depend on others for emotional support, you make yourself an extremely easy target.  Abusers also take advantage of people who are dependant on them for financial means.

They look to control the emotions and actions of others so that they can make themselves feel better about themselves and feel powerful in the relationship.

Is Psychological Abuse Also Sometimes Called Emotional Abuse?

Yes, it is a form of abuse characterized by a person exposing another to a behavior that results in trauma, depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder.

It may include blame, name shaming, bullying, gaslighting or power imbalances in order to ‘control’ another person. In the long run, one may even be suicidal as a result.

What Causes A Person To Become Emotionally Abusive?

Most people emotionally abuse because they are scared of being in control. They often seek to have their own way regardless of what others may think.

Majority of them suffer from low self-esteem, are constantly insecure and have poor communication skills. Take note some may appear charming in a bid to ‘attract’ their victims.

What Is The Difference Between Emotional Abuse And Psychological Abuse?

A person’s feelings is targeted when it is emotional abuse. They use emotions to manipulate, achieve control and even punish.

Mental abuse focuses on questioning and influencing a person’s way of thinking and can shift a person’s reality. Abuse that is psychological in nature can cause a person to question their surroundings.

What Are The Effects Of Emotional Abuse On A Woman?

Chronic pain, anxiety or depression are common effects of emotionally abusive relationships. In worst case scenario, victims may even contemplate suicide.

Often times, scars from physical abuse can heal but words often do not as it has a long-term psychological impact on the individual.

Hence why it is important to get help.

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