My Husband Raises His Voice At Me – 23 Guaranteed Tips To Work

My husband raises his voice at me has become such a frequent Google search. This is absolutely worrying.

It can be a painful experience that might make you feel ashamed to talk about to anyone as you will end up blaming yourself.

Don’t worry! I got you covered. I will share why this happens and provide some practical tips on managing this delicate situation at home.

These are all the things I wished someone shared with me as I navigated this problem in my marriage.

So, let’s get to it!

26 Reasons Why Your Husband Raises His Voice At You

1. He Struggles To Express His Emotions

One classic reason your husband might raise his voice at you is that he struggles to express his emotions. Men need to be more intuitive with their feelings.

They are not the type to sit around at a coffee table discussing the highs and lows of life. It is easy for them to lash out at the most important person in their life, YOU.

Look, this is painful to hear so I am going to ask you to take a step back and breathe and focus on YOU for a minute.

Let me ask you this.

When is the last time you did something for yourself?

2. He Wants His Way

Many people think raising their voices means they end up having their way. This is furthest from the truth as it indicates the person cannot exercise emotional intelligence by speaking calmly.

He might need to be made aware of this, and as a result, you are on the receiving end.

3. He Feels Unheard

My husband yells at me might be something you least expect in your marriage.

But, perhaps you have been doing all the talking in the relationship, and he feels unheard by you. The only way for him to communicate is to raise his voice and get your attention – even if it’s not good.

4. He Grew Up In A Loud Environment

In his family, yelling was normal, unlike yours. It may take him some time to adjust to your domestic setting. So this is why it’s common for you feel that my husband raises his voice at me.

5. He’s A Bully

Some men are just bullies. Much of it concerns childhood trauma; they need to boost their ego by hurting others. I know people like this. They are honestly just deeply insecure, and they want to rile you up to get attention.

Unfortunately, some words they say can pierce your tender heart, and there may not be a return from this.

6. He Thinks You Are An Easy Punching Bag

Let’s admit it. We all use our spouses as easy punching bags. You will always be the easy target because you never leave! It might such a tough pill to swallow when you feel my husband shouts at me and it is leaving me so depressed.

7. He’s Stressed About Work

“Why does my husband get angry over small things?”

Unfortunately, work stress eats into all our lives, and men don’t always know how to communicate. My husband heads a huge sales team at work, and sometimes he forgets that

I am not just his subordinate when he talks down to me. I know it might not always be his intention, but sometimes the lines are so blurred when we live such integrated lives

8. He’s Depressed

Depression rears its ugly head anytime. Him losing control over himself when he screams at you, is a classic example.

9. He Wants To Split Up But Is Not Able To Bring Himself To Admit It

“My husband’s anger is ruining my marriage.”

I hear you!

Remember how I mentioned men make the worst communicators? He might be scared or not readily admit yet that he wants out.

So he might be hoping that by yelling at you, you leave first.

10. He Has Anger Issues

“Husband is always angry”

Some people have major anger issues and do not know how to deal with it. People around them dare not say anything, either.

So as a result, they do not know how to communicate effectively in relationships.

11. He Had Parents Who Fought Often And Yelled at Each Other Too Much

So, let’s get personal here! Growing up was hard for me as I witnessed my parents yelling at each other and using nasty words to hurt each other.

I was always so worried that I would end up in the same unhappy situation if I married. It is now a conscious choice for my husband and I to practice speaking to each other with love and respect.

12. He Has Inner Emotional Turmoil That He Is Not Able To Share

When was the last time you asked how is he doing? Are you genuinely interested in his day, or are you just waiting to unload on him about your rough day?

Tip: Ask open-ended questions such as:

• – What is the best part of your day?
• – How did you handle the difficult challenge at work?
• – How can I support you today?

Then he ends up bottling all his emotions and explodes one fine day to you and it will result in you feeling my husband always yells at me.

Are you surprised, then?

13. He Suffers From Low Self Esteem

I bet you are wondering what are other reasons why my husband raises his voice at me. People who suffer from low self-esteem are usually very insecure. It will be hard to help him unless he helps himself.

14. He Wants To Feel In Control And Safe

What happens when you raise your voice? It gives you a false sense of control over a person. He might think he is more powerful than you and does it to feel safe.

15. He Is Trying To Deal With His Emotions

As I mentioned, men have no time to sit and ponder their feelings.

He is just trying to deal with the many emotions coming his way, and if you catch him at the wrong time, it might result in him lashing at you.

16. He Has A Lack Of Purpose

He finds his life meaningless and is in a downward spiral.

17. He Is Upset With You

He is legitimately angry at you. Instead of handling the tough conversation like a mature adult, he raises his voice at you.

18. You Cheated On Him

It is the unthinkable! Men don’t take cheating very personally, and it often feels like a stab to the heart.

19. He Finds You Too Controlling

Are you the typical naggy wife? You are always on his back about everything he does ‘wrong’ around the house.

Surely you must understand that every man/ person, for that matter, has their limits.

20. He Feels You Have Trust Issues

Are you controlling his every move? Do you have anxiety that he will cheat on you? This can make a man feel very frustrated with you.

21. He Feels Neglected

We show our greatest appreciation for everyone else but not our spouses. When was the last time you did something special for him?

22. He Doesn’t Trust You

Perhaps he doesn’t feel like he can confide in you. Have you broken his trust before?

23. He Is Not Satisfied With You

He expresses his dissatisfaction with you as a partner by raising his voice at you.

24. He Is Sick

Could he be in pain? Is that why he is feeling more irritable lately?

25. He Needs A Break

Has he taken a hiatus since becoming a father and a husband? Some men have the luxury of having a man cave; others do not.

So all his pent-up anger and frustration could be boiling.

26. He Is An Addict

Could he be suffering from substance abuse? If he is, that is definitely why he thinks raising his voice at you is normal.

What To Do When Your Husband Raises His Voice With You?

So now, how to deal with an angry husband?

1. Offer A Hug

Hear me out!

This sounds counterintuitive, but when your kid is having a tantrum, they are hoping for attention. Similar to your husband.

Offer some hugs and give him a back rub as you do it. It has calming properties, and I promise you, you will be able to get him in a calmer state rather than retaliating.

2. Talk It Out Politely Later

I hope you put it on the nightstand, as my husband and I often say. This means we only talk about a frustrating issue once the kids are in bed, and we are calmer and more respectful.

3. Don’t React Straight Away

It is unfathomable that your spouse, who recited his wedding vows to honor you, is now hurting you. But try not to react and get angry. I promise you it will not help the situation.

Walk it off if need be. Take deep breaths to calm yourself.

4. Don’t Take Things To Heart

Hurt people, hurt people. He is in a lot of distress and pain and only knows how to retaliate to get some form of attention from you.

5. Remember Your Main Purpose

Marriage and relationships are about sacrifice. Focus on how you can serve him during his difficult time.

This doesn’t mean what he says to you in bouts of anger holds water. But learn to be a supportive partner so he can slowly change in time for the better.

6. Be Compassionate

Compassion is lacking in both parties in marriage these days. Both want to be right. Try to exercise some sympathy, as he is currently hurting.

7. Get Curious – Ask Him Questions

Ask him questions about why he is upset with you. You haven’t been carving out intentional time with him to listen truly.

Trust me; it was hard for me to hear that my husband also wanted attention from me, just as I was juggling a full-time job, a baby, and a toddler.

But little did I know that it was one of the reasons why he was upset and was raising his voice at me.

8. Focus On How You Communicate

There is no rule book/ guide when you first enter marriage. Thanks to Google, you have many relationship tools available online to help you communicate and listen to your partner.

9. Pray For Him And With Him

When I was going through a challenging time with my husband, I turned to God. I downloaded a Bible app and started to do daily prayers for him.

Consider praying together with him if he permits. It will certainly strengthen your marriage and unity.

10. Get Him Checked For Underlying Issues

Husband seems angry all the time?

Is there a health issue at bay? Consider bringing him to a doctor to get a comprehensive health checkup done.

11. Share The Load

Is he stressed out because he is expected to do chores and be up all night with a little baby after a long day at work?

Have you truly listed everything you need to do daily and segregated them accordingly?

12. Get Some Oxytocin In

Oxytocin isn’t just present in skin-to-skin of babies but also adults. It doesn’t have to be intercourse but spend some time hugging and caressing each other without clothes on in bed to boost those feel-good hormones.

If it leads to something else, great for the two of you! Either way, it is bound to make you feel good as a couple.

13. Give Silent Treatment

Please exercise caution with this recommendation. But sometimes, the silence between both parties in the heat of the moment can help prevent things from escalating.

14. Take A Break

Consider walking it off when things get heated.

15. Practice Self Care

It is easy to feel down in the dumps when someone important to you, especially your partner, raises their voice at you. But also try to prioritize yourself.

Go window shopping or grab ice cream with a good friend to cool off. You are going to come back more rejuvenated. Doesn’t sound appealing?

Well, here are 76 other self care ideas!

16. Involve Family

If thoughts are in your head that my husband yells at me in public, consider speaking to his family members and asking them for some insight. They can provide you with some useful solutions.

17. Become A Better Person

 Focus on you. Yes, he may be in the wrong, but you can’t exactly change him. But what you can do is focus on being a better person each day.

18. Emotionally Detach Yourself When Your Husband Raises His Voice At You

This is a hard recommendation to implement. When he yells at you, try to detach from his words. Don’t take things personally.

He is unable to communicate maturely and is thus lashing out at you.

19. Communicate Differently If Your Husband Raises His Voice

When he raises his voice, instead of you trying to match him. Consider speaking slower and calmer (and even lovingly). He might be thrown off by your lack of response and consider cooling off.

20. Encourage The Idea Of Therapy

This is why I encourage therapy, even for happy couples. It provides a safe avenue for both parties to discuss their frustrations and joys.

21. Avoid Criticism, Judging, Or Blaming

Imagine criticizing someone when they are raising their voice at you. How do you think they will react? They get more verbally abusive, and things can escalate to something physical.

22. Keep Safe

If things don’t look like they are improving, do not take things into your own hands but instead, call the national center for abuse hotline.

Never allow yourself to be put in danger.

You wouldn’t want to be thinking wow my husband raises his voice at me has escalated into something worse.

23. Consider Separation/ Divorce

When you feel like you have tried almost everything and still nothing improves for the better, consider separation or even divorce. Your mental and physical health is paramount, not what society tells you about failing marriages.

6 Consequences Of Unchecked Anger From Your Spouse

1. You Might Develop Depression

 You might end up with psychological issues such as depression or anxiety.

2. You No Longer Feel In Love

 Romance feels like a dream in yesteryears, and the abuse reaches its toll.

3. The Stress Hormone Is Hyped Even More

 The stress hormone is elevated, which can even cause heart attacks if it continues.

4. It Might Escalate Into Physical Abuse

 Physical abuse starts off with emotional abuse. So always be aware of this.

5. You Start To Believe That You Don’t Matter

 You think of yourself as worthless and may even consider self-harming to cope.

6. You Can End Up With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder can leave you with recurring dreams and distressing thoughts whenever you come close to a similar event.

Conclusion

Finally, I hope you feel more empowered by using some of the practical tips I have outlined above the next time you think my husband raises his voice at me. Anger will come and go in every relationship.

Still, the key would be to handle it with emotional maturity and respect for one another.

As you navigate what might feel like a turbulent time in your relationship, please remember that you will need to take care of the most important person in your life, YOU.

Let me know in the comments below if any solutions have worked for you.

Or you may have other topics/ questions you’d like to see on the blog that could benefit the marriage community.

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