Premarital counselling questions have the power to break your marriage or make your marriage.
I remember attending a 6-week’s session in church where we had to discuss everything from sex to how many times we wanted to visit our parents in grave detail.
It was awkward to discuss certain subjects, but it was absolutely necessary for us to do so as a united couple.
You never want to rush in and out of marriage so take all the time you need during the engagement period to understand each other in grave detail.
Also, after being with my partner for 16 years, the biggest tip is that I never assume I know him.
People change and evolve with circumstances.
So, let’s get to those burning questions!
Disclaimer:
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70 Premarital Counselling Questions You Need to Ask Before Saying I Do
Personal
1. How do you practise self-care?
2. How do you feel about spending time apart during stressful periods in your/ our lives?
3. How do you see your role in the relationship (are you going to be the breadwinner or homemaker?
4. How do you want me to comfort you in times of stress?
5. What is the greatest heartbreak you have ever had?
6. How can I be of service to our marriage?
7. What are your long-term career goals?
8. What are your non-negotiables when it comes to your values?
9. Is there anything you are afraid of telling me?
10. What do you foresee to be the biggest hurdle in our marriage?
Sex
11. What is the ideal number of times you want to make love?
12. How important is sexual compatibility to you?
13. What is something you do not enjoy in sex?
14. How should we practise family planning and birth control?
15. How will we handle infertility as a couple?
16. How should we handle periods of stress, low desire/ low libido?
17. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
Hygiene
18. How often do you shower a day?
19. When should we clean the house?
20. Is there a chore you like to do? A chore you do not like to do?
21. How often do you wash your sheets?
22. How do you feel about people coming over when our house isn’t clean?
23. How do you feel about organised chaos or clutter in the home?
24. How would you like to divide our chores?
25. Do you have a non-negotiable when it comes to your hygiene
Parenting
26. How many kids do you want? Do you have a gender preference?
27. Gentle parenting or assertive parenting appeals to you?
28. What values/ traditions from your family that you want to introduce to our children?
29. How are we going to raise our children whilst achieving our career goals?
30. How do you want our extended family to be involved with child-rearing?
31. Do you think we should homeschool our kids or send them to public schools?
Faith
32. How important is faith in your life?
33. What religious practices would you want to bestow on your children?
34. Are you expecting us to attend Sunday service/ mass together as a family?
35. How will you handle our faith if one of us decides to convert to another religion/ choose atheism?
36. How should we handle religious holidays and traditions?
37. How does believing/ not believing in God affect your daily life?
In-Laws
38. Should we live on our own or move in with our parents after marriage?
39. How often should we visit them?
40. Do you expect me to follow each time you visit your parents (and vice versa)?
41. What boundaries will you set with your parents?
42. What does your family think of me?
43. Do you have any childhood trauma you need to tell me about?
44. How do you feel about us giving financial support to our parents?
45. How will you balance your role as a son/ daughter and your commitment to our marriage?
46. How close do we want our children to be with our parents?
Finances
47. How do you view spending and saving money?
48. Should we combine all our finances from day 1 of marriage?
49. How much debt do you have?
50. How should we save for retirement?
51. How should we handle large purchases like a house or a car?
52. Do you believe we should track every single expense we make?
53. How do we decide how much to give our parents?
54. How do we handle giving money to charity/ church?
55. How are we going to handle unexpected financial emergencies?
Food
56. What is your favorite food that you want me to cook?
57. Who does the bulk of grocery shopping and cooking daily?
58. How many times per week will we eat out?
59. Are you comfortable with trying new cuisines?
60. How do you feel about meal prepping for the week?
Conflict Management
61. How do we currently handle conflicts?
62. What triggers most of our arguments?
63. How do you like to “cool off” after an argument?
64. Are there unresolved conflicts we will never conclude on?
Health & Wellness
65. How will we prioritize our physical and mental wellness as a couple?
66. Do you have any health issues I should be aware of?
67. Are you open towards therapy or counselling?
68. How can we practise “couple care” to maintain our relationship?
69. How can we support each other through challenging times?
70. What is something you feel I don’t understand about you?
5 Helpful Guidelines To Have These Conversations
- 1) Pick A Place You Are Both Comfortable With
For example a café nearby or throw some pillows on the floor to get more relaxed.
Ask those questions without judgment.
This is hard but again, you want him/ her to be completely transparent BEFORE you tie the knot!).
It is okay not to like the answers…you have the option of walking away if it doesn’t sit right with you.
- 2) Listen Well
There is a reason why you have two ears and only 1 mouth.
If you want to be an even better listener, I encourage you to repeat what your partner answers. This process will help you build a closer bond with your partner.
- Other things you can do:
- Give them eye contact
- Lean forward
- Place your phone in another room
- Have a reassuring expression on your face that they are in a safe place to share their thoughts, fears or concerns
- 3) Have Fun!
These conversations don’t always have to be so serious. Inject a joke or two and release those happy hormones with each other.
- 4) Celebrate
Once it is over, celebrate this form of intimacy with a glass of wine or walk in the park whilst holding hands.
- 5) Remember To Ask These Questions Every Few Months
Because people change their answers all the time and you want to be in the know.
Conclusion
So, there you have it folks over 69 thought-provoking pre-marital questions that do not shy away from your hygiene habits to what genders you want your future children to be.
The truth is, it can be daunting to be confronted with the answers. You may not always like it.
But, I rather you ask these questions now and get used to how they feel than go in blind and then be shocked when your fairy tale romance isn’t what you thought it would be.
Did anything resonate or spark a light bulb with you and your partner? Let me know in the comments as I would love to hear from you!
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